Claude's Christmas Letter...

Every year my hubby writes our Christmas News Letter to go to family and friends. It is by far the funniest letter anyone sends. Of course, my opinion is totally unbiased. To be sure all our friends have a chance to read it, I'm including it in my Blog again this year. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from our home to yours!!

THE CHRISTENSEN FAMILY CHRONICLES

Circa 2011

Como esta ustdes? Todo en todo nosotros estamos excelente

Eagle Bend Achers - Crop Report 2011: Deer really, really, really like Roma tomatoes.  I’ll bet you didn’t know that.  And young deer have no manners at all.  They squished and stomped down all 10 plants, but I did save 3 tomatoes, which I threw at the deer.  The patio garden did much better, lots of juicy tomatoes and fresh peppers, and one GIAGANORMOUS plant we named Goliath).  There used to be grass in our backyard, but this year it was replaced by millions of large ugly plants that are resistant to everything except hip-hop music.

Things That Are The Same: Everything changes – all the time – everything I put in previous letters was bull…

Things That Are New: The left front tire on my tractor; things that are soon to be new – the left rear tire on my tractor…

El Hombre Guapo y La Dama Bella – OK, first, what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas…  That may be true with respect to money you take to Vegas, but with many other things - not so much.  Took a little trip out there in early January last, had a decreasingly good time, and brought home – from Vegas – Type-A influenza.  It camped out at our house for about 10-days, but we did get some really cool meds out of the deal – the care bears came – it was great… 

            Once we regained some little notion of health it was off to Albany, New York.  Yes, upstate New York in mid-January.  Come to think of it maybe we weren’t all the way back, but I’m sure you can see the irony.  However, a moral support visit to our favorite Soressi family was definitely in order.  There were too many smart-alecky comments to be made and it required a personal visit.

            In February the Mayor went to a lot of meetings and signed a lot of stuff - the Mayor’s wife crocheted a lot of stuff.  February also saw the first of several trips to watch the Michigan family circus. 

            In the March-April timeframe the Mayor went to a lot of meetings and signed a lot of stuff, the Mayor’s wife crocheted a lot of stuff, except for when he took his first of two flying lessons (in a plane this time), particularly wonderful gifts from the chicqa who loves me best.  May included a day trip on the Old Kentucky Home Bardstown Dinner Train, or in our case lunch train, followed closely by the trip out west to actually witness our dear Shannon, who by mutual agreement with the Weber County School System, ended her High School career, suma cum barely.

            Cultural endeavors this year began with the three flu-ridden shows in Vegas, and continued with Menapause (the play this time), Fiddler On The Roof, and a muy bien experience with Steve Martin at his Bluegrass concert in Lexington.  It may not count as “cultural”, but once again we joined the VIP crowd at two Toyota-hosted events - the Bluegrass Stakes Race in April and their 25^th Anniversary Brunch in November.  I have become an expert at picking horses that either finish last or run the wrong way.  To truly experience Kentucky Culture one must include a visit to “Rick’s White Light Diner” in Frankfort.  I would describe this place but words are inadequate.  Oh yeah, we went to the Circus.

            In July we watched a promising tomato crop start to go bad and traveled down to Knoxville to reconnect with our ever-older and wider biker crowd.  It was good to see everyone again, food was had, hugs were made, in some cases ID’s were necessary, and the Mayor went to a lot of meetings and signed a lot of stuff - the Mayor’s wife crocheted a lot of stuff.

            September and October saw us once again on the road.  This time for a quick pass-through visit with the Michigan bunch and then up north to Mackinac Island where we spent three restful days enjoying the fall colors and picking ourselves up from a bike spill while PEDDLING around the island coastline.  From there it was further north to Sault Ste. Marie, Canada where we took a day-long train trip out to a place called Agawa Canyon.  It’s a 114 mile scenic ride out into the wilderness area in what is called the Canadian Shield.  Lucky for us it was a two-way trip and they brought us back as well.  We really enjoyed the day, nothing was signed, nothing was crocheted, and we saw some spectacular scenery.  In November we divided and conquered.  I went west to check-up on mi madre, and Sandi stayed home to check-up on su parientes.  Pomegranate glazed turkey graced both tables.  Nothing going on in December J…

Los Muskegon Gringos… Good visits to and from the land of the North Woods abounded this year.  Por exemple, in August the usual suspects (aka Aubrey and Paul) appeared and had all the fun the law allowed at Camp Christensen, planned, organized, conducted, and supervised by the lovely and talented Grand(Ma) Christensen, with support from the mini-Marx’s.  We made a road-trip to the Corvette Factory and Mammoth Caves near Bowling Green – good times…  KT graced us with her presence in May and we took a little tornado-ridden trip out west to be sure Shannon was telling us the truth when she said she was graduating.  KT continued her college and professional paper copying career as she entered her soft-n-more year in college.  Nissa continues to “have it all under control” in collaboration with her guardian angel Todd.

Los Miembros de la familia Marx – Our favorite muchacho y muchacha Hayden and Bailey kept mom and dad Marx and well occupied this year.  Kindergarten diploma in hand Hayden (poco Spock) hit the public school circuit and everybody’s favorite spark-plug Bailey was invited back for one more round of her preparatory education.  Michael continued to enjoy success in his hostelry and “futbol” duties while Sandi hit the bricks with budding cake decorator Andie in the annual Breast Cancer Fun-Run-Walk in Louisville.  I stayed home and had “guy food.”  In November, they all traveled to Florida for a Marx family get-together on a Disney Cruise ship, and while we have not seen or heard from them at the time of this writing, we assume it went OK, no international incidents having been reported to-date.

El Tio Jacob – Our contribution to the Chelsea, Michigan cultural scene continues to make his way through mortality.  He was ever the pleasant and competent host in our several pass-through visits, happily guiding us to Joe’s Crab Shack in Ann Arbor whenever we appeared on the scene.  His expanding professional career continued to trend upward as he created new and exciting layout and web design products for the boss.  He did take the “let’s write a novel” challenge and completed work on his first book.  Childe Jake continued to blog with snappy commentary on the state of the world as well, you should check it out.

Okey Dokey, two pages and WE’RE OUTTA HERE!  The fact that you read this far speaks well for your attention span.  The use of espaniol in this letter reflects our ever expanding cultural ability via completion of our “Spanish for Gringos” class and our intent to “travel south” next year.  Now, please go overindulge on something festive and enjoy the Holiday Season, no, really, muy seriouso… Feliz Navidad!

The Christensen’s !!!