Blogging publicly causes me to sift carefully my thoughts as I consider what should be shared and what should not be shared in this public format. My Blog is also my journal. I save each entry on my computer as a record of my life. A few times I have created a Blog entry and not posted it on this Blog as it is very personal and not for general public consumption. That is my right and my privilege. So my Blog can be deceptively positive even when things are very topsy-turvy in my world.
I am adamantly opposed to pitty parties. That said, I truly understand the down periods of life when you just need to struggle and find meaning, hope, understanding, perspective, all those deep things of life. I believe with all my heart they are an important part of learning and growth and necessary to life. My periods of feeling depressed usually last a day or two or three. Then I try to snap out of it and find my way to happier ground. I know this is not possible for some people who suffer with clinical depression. I am not trying to compare these two things here. To me that is apples to oranges and is just two different things. I am blessed to not have chronic depression and for that I am very grateful.
Lately there have been many levels of difficulty for me personally and in my family and with friends. Some of these difficulties are huge. They will take long periods of time to resolve and in their wake they will leave more difficult things to endure. As a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, friend and person in my own right, I find myself aching for change. My prayers are for understanding of the situations, of how I can be a force for good and help, aide and comfort, and to keep my heart right in all things.
This week I experienced two 'tender mercy' moments as I struggle through these things that weigh heavy on my heart. I want to put those things in this Blog so I can remember and reference them.
First, I read the Church magazine, the Ensign, that comes to my home each month cover-to-cover. While I read I keep a pen handy and draw circles and underline things that touch my heart. After reading the Ensign, it is placed in my sewing room so that I can record those thoughts in the quote section I have created in my computer. These magazines are then given to a friend so she can also read and enjoy them.
This month, I had a little catching up to do and had three issues of the Ensign from which to record quotes. The first 'tender mercy' was found in some of these quotes which touched me as I struggled. I will record them here:
1) This quote was from Helen Mar Whitney who was a pioneer who crossed the plains. She recorded, "The love of God flowed from heart to heart till the wicked one seemed powerless in his efforts to get between us and the Lord, and his cruel darts, in some instances, were shorn of their sting." What strength, what perspective, what vision. I was touched by this and realized I had reached out to a dear friend and shared all the things that were weighing heavy on me to her in an eMail. She responded in kind, understanding words. She help me to see in print all the things that I was so concerned about as I typed and knew she would not judge, just listen and send good thoughts and feelings my way. Indeed, that simple act was like the quote 'the love of God flowed from heart to heart'. I was strengthened just in the sharing. Now, my hubby and I talk about these things often. It is not like I don't have a sounding board. I have a great one in my hubby. But, sometimes, we just need to feel from one woman's heart to another. I am grateful for that friendship. I am grateful for that lifting of my burden by sharing to someone with a non-judgmental, kind heart. The other quote I recorded from that same article fits right here. It is, "We cannot always lift the burden of one who is troubled, but we can lift her so she can bear it well." Goodness, that lifted me. Thank you to my dear friend for helping lift me.
2) The next quote I recorded was from an article title "Love Thy Neighbor" and addresses our communication with others so we cultivate respect across wide distances of belief and behavior. The phrase that caught my attention was, "The willingness to see through each other's eyes will transform 'corrupt communication' into 'ministering grace'...it may not change or solve the problem, but the more important possibility may be whether ministering grace could change us." As I deal with some of the concerns I am facing, I needed that council and to watch that my communication is 'ministering grace'. Again, powerful. Those I love and care about need to know that what I say and do in their regard is done through love for them. That I will continue to love them no matter what happens. That must be first in my dealings with others. I can be honest and straightforward and still share my love, care and concern for them.
3) Then I saved a quote I have heard before and it was good to remember again. It was given by Marjorie Pay Hinckley. She is the wife of President Gordon B. Hinckley who was the Prophet and President of our Church. They are both deceased but their good council rings true still. She said, "First I obey, then I understand." I just love that thought. As a person of faith, I must walk by faith until I understand. I can pray and ask for things to be taken away from me but that is very forward of me when I am asking that of an all knowing, all seeing, all understanding God. He loves me and knows the best I can make of my life. To be that best, I must endure difficult lessons. How I endure, the attitude with which I endure, are marks of my character. My children will watch how I act and learn so much more from that, even though they are all adults, than they will by my words alone. I will follow Sis. Hinckley's wise council and obey, then I too will eventually understand the lessons I am to learn by the challenges I am given.
The second 'tender mercy' in dealing with my personal struggles happened today. An event was held at the church for all the sisters in our Stake (group of congregations). The title was "Bee-come one"!
The program began with five different ladies telling their personal story of dealing with a huge trial in their life. All the trials were different and their stories of dealing with and learning from those trials were powerful examples. Each talked about the power of the Atonement in their lives and how it helped them to deal and overcome their challenge.
The first speaker was a great lady who again shared a very tender personal trial. She used this personal story to speak about all the acts of service that came to her, her husband and her family as they dealt with the death of a much desired child. The point was made that each act of service was small in and of itself. The second point was that each act of service was geared to that persons abilities. No one did it all. How important to not discount the little things I might be able to do that help someone else and affects them on a much grander scale that the little act done.
A beautiful musical number was performed with a slide show of pictures that helped each phrase stand out.
Then a man spoke who has years of experience dealing with very difficult cases from murder to sexual transgressions of every kind. He shared such touching, pointed examples that it was easy to translate these experiences into lessons for me as I try to deal with things of a different nature but still huge in my perspective.
Our Stake President concluded with a few remarks. He quoted a scripture from the Doctrine & Covenants. It is found in Section 25. This is a revelation given through the Prophet Joseph Smith to his dear wife, Emma. It is a beautiful Section and I was thrilled to hear parts of it quoted. Again, the words were for my ears and I felt a loving Heavenly Father placed them there for me today. Here are the verses:
2 A revelation I give unto you concerning my will; and if thou art faithful and walk int he paths of virtue before me, I will preserve thy life, and thou shalt receive an inheritance in Zion.
3 Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called.
A reminder to me to repent of those things that need repenting, remain faithful and walk in virtue and blessings will be there for me. Often, they are there and I'm not noticing. I must 'Be Still' and listen and learn.
Are all the things that weigh heavy on my heart fixed. Nope, not at all. But I am reminded and taught again the importance of trials. I can learn and grow from them. Or, I can let them weaken me and leave me broken. I choose to learn and grow. I choose to be patient in affliction and know that He is God. I choose to be humble and submissive to His will and walk in faith that I may be ready to do and say what He desires of me. It is not necessarily the easier path. But it is the path that I believe, with all my heart, is the better path and the one that will lead back to a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
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