Music & Change...

Year's ago my mother made this piece of cross-stitch and gave it to me. As a child, I grew up in a home where my father and mother loved music.  At great financial sacrifice, they made sure each of their daughters learned to play the piano.  I remember Papa playing his guitar on the screened-in front porch and trying to teach me to sing harmony for the first time. Papa always played in a band. He had a little radio program when we lived in DeRidder and managed the Keithville Jamboree years later.  I remember my mother taking a few piano lessons when I was younger also.  At the age of 8, I began playing for church, first on the piano and then on the organ.  Music has always been a big part of my life.

I have been blessed to have pieces of music cross my path at just the right time.  

When my mother was close to dying, our son gave us a CD of music by Potter's Field titled "Pleasureville".  This CD had a song titled "Don't Look Down When You Go".  I would listen to this song over and over as I drove back and forth from Georgetown to Sadieville.  I memorized the words and would sing them while I worked.  When I mother passed, I listened to this song after I left her side and headed back to Sadieville. Tears flowed and my heart made it's peace with her passing as I sang "Don't Look Down When You Go".  I just wanted her to know it was okay.  I would care for Papa and she could progress until he came to where she was.  Music filled me up and kept me going.

In October of this year, my nephew passed away.  Just before that happening, I opened a CD by Hilary Weeks titled "If I Only Had Today".  Mind you, I purchased this CD at Time Out for Women in the spring of this year and had not ever opened it.  When I opened it, I found a song that again really touched my heart.  The title is "Just Let Me Cry". These are the words:

I believe that everything happens for a reason

We're not just tossed by the wind and left in the hands of fate

But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected

And we're faced to face our deepest pain.

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under

I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground

Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger

And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Chorus:   Just let me cry

I know it's hard to see

But the pain I feel

Isn't going away today

Just let me cry

Till every tear has fallen

Don't ask when and don't ask why

Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me

I understood that there was a chance that it would break

But I know he knows exactly how I'm feeling

And I know in time He'll take the pain away.

Chorus

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart want to sing

And so my tears are not a surrender

I'll feel that way again

But for now

For this moment

Chorus

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I still listen to this beautiful piece of music and appreciate the words so very much.  It helped me get through my nephews funeral and the feelings afterward.

Then I finally listened again to the other songs on this CD.  There is one I truly enjoy titled "Tender Behind the Mercy".  It is the chorus that I really like best and I sing it to myself a lot.  These are the words as they speak about our Savior:

He's the tender behind the mercy

The unconditional in love

And when I need forgiveness

He's the Redeeming in Son

More and more I see

He's the tender behind the mercy.

But the one I'm really playing most is titled "You Give".  These are the words that I was enjoying so very much and then they hit home last Sunday (November 30th) evening.

You give me sight

When I can't see

You give me breath

When I can't breathe

And You give me love

And You give me peace

And You always seem to give

Just what I need

You take my doubt 

And replace it with truth

You take my fear

So all I see is You

You take me as I am

And You take me by the hand

You see to my soul and You take

Just what I need

Chorus:  You give and take away

And refine me day by day

As You lead me through the bitter and sweet

I am trusting You to make me complete

Though You see the heartache

You're sending Your sweet grace

As You give

And You take

You give me strength

And You give me life

You give me hope

And You give me light

You take my pain

And You take my shame

You bless me to see the give and take

Is just what I need

Chorus  

Please send Your perfect grace

As You give

And You take.

For the past 19 months, I have served as the president of the Primary organization at Church.  In our Church everyone is called to serve in some capacity.  No monetary remuneration is given.  We all serve in some capacity.  I have loved the Primary children.  I have so many good memories of events that have happened and touched my life during this 19 months.  But even with the positive, I have begun to feel a need in my life.

Don't get me wrong.  I know I am richly blessed.  I have so much in family, friends, testimony, and the things of life.  I would never complain.  Just feel deep gratitude for those blessings.  But even with that, there has been an ache, a wondering, a need for something.  I just didn't know what it was and was not finding the 'fix' for it.  Sometimes, we have to go through these periods of time to learn and grow and appreciate.  

Then last Sunday evening, November 30th, Claude and I were asked to meet Pres. Rex Holt at our chapel for an interview.  Pres. Holt asked me to teach Institute again.  I knew as soon as he asked that this was the 'fix' I was needing.  To study and search my scriptures like one only seems to do when called to teach seminary or institute is what I needed to be doing. I will miss all those little nuggets on Sunday but they will go on with whoever is called to be the new Primary president just fine.  The Lord must have needed me in Primary for some reason.  I trust that is fulfilled and I am grateful for all I have learned from the children and through the service.  I know that this new calling is needed for this time in my life.

Claude and I were in separate cars when we came to the Church for the interview with Pres. Holt.  So I was able to drive home alone and crank up my CD player in the car to my new song "You Give" and listen to it.  Suddenly those words fit exactly where I was at in my life. The Lord was taking from me something I had enjoyed and giving me something that would challenge me in another way.  But it was something I needed to make me complete.  I found tears coming again to my eyes and a fullness to my heart while I sang.

I think I agree with Plato, music is a moral law.  It does bring order to my life and leads me through all that is just and beautiful that the Lord sees fit to have me experience in my life.  I am grateful for these moments in time.  For the effect they have on me for good.  For the strength music can bring to my life.  I am grateful for the give and take of life.  For how it stretches me and helps me to continue to become more complete as I journey through this life I have been given.  Grateful.  Just very grateful.