Observations Since July 13th...

These are in no particular order...

Observation #1:
Claude and I have the best answering machine response when you call and we don't answer the phone. Instead of us saying something we are both singing a song to the melody of "My Old Kentucky Home". This is the state song of Kentucky. The words we put to this melody are:

The sun shines bright on our cool Kentucky home

We're sorry we missed your phone call.

Please leave your name and number at the tone

And maybe we'll give you a call.

We've received several comments from people who happen to call and not find us at home or we're out in the yard and don't hear the call.

This last weekend we were not home. I called home to check messages. There was one from the vice-president of our bank. Then, there was a second message and it had giggling and rustling of papers and other noises I could not make out. I was just not sure what this was.

Claude returned the call from the bank. It was just a reminder of an event the bank was hosting in Sadieville. Then he learned what the second message was about. It was Jackie, the vice-president of the bank, and Kathy, the teller at the bank. Jackie was so taken with the song when she called earlier that she called back, knowing we were obviously not at home, so that Kathy could hear the message. They were laughing and enjoying the music.

It is so nice to give someone a chuckle.

Observation #2:
Last Wednesday I had to be in Georgetown to sing with Papa at the nursing home. Claude also had meetings but at a totally different time than me. We had a dinner meeting in Lexington that evening. We asked Papa if we could meet at his apartment and leave my car in his driveway while we went to the dinner. After the dinner and meeting, Claude dropped me off at Papa's to pick up my car.

As I drove down the 460 By-pass in Georgetown I noticed the sun was getting ready to set. There was an enormous cloud in the sky. As I reached Cherry Blossom before I would get to I-75 the sun was behind the cloud and it was shining out in rays from the cloud. The edges of the cloud were reds and oranges from the sun. It was stunning. I was suddenly transported to Maui when we watched the sunset behind Haleakala (a volcano). We had returned to the cruise ship for the departure from Maui. The sun was setting right behind the top of the cone of the volcano. It was like sunshine was coming out of Haleakala. While there was no volcano on the horizon in Georgetown, there was that enormous cloud with place for those rays to shine through.

I got up on I-75 headed to Sadieville and the scene was breath-taking. I was enjoying that view so much. I was wishing I had my camera. But I had no where to pull over unless I tried the Pilot Station. So I just determined I would make the best mental picture memory I could that I would be able to pull up and enjoy in the future. Click...Take a Pic!!

I got home before Claude. When he arrived I asked him if he saw that beautiful sunset. Amazingly, he didn't. I'm happy I looked and saw it and sure wished my good hubby had as well.

Observation #3:

What is this? It is a plant in our front yard. Please note what the drought has done to our grass. Yuck!!

This last week some men rang our door bell. I was having a pajama day and was on the phone. I called to Claude to answer the door. He did, talked to the guys, and came away chuckling. I found him chuckling when I came out after getting dressed.

It seems these men were in our neighborhood because they were upgrading the water meters. These poor guys were searching all around our front yard and couldn't find the water meter. Hence, they range the doorbell to ask where our water meter was. Claude was chuckling because he pointed to this mass of vine and told them it was under there. Dismayed, he assured them they could move it anyway they needed or wanted to without worry. He assured them this vine would come back with a vengence after they messed with it.

Claude built me a flower bed ring around the water meter since it stuck up over the ground. The intent with this vine was to fill that bed around the meter. The reality is this vine just grew and grew. Since the meter is read with a scanner there was not a concern about the vine. It really has pretty purple flowers on it sometimes.

Again, I got a chuckle out of these poor guys looking for a water meter.

Observation #4:
I didn't weed my flower beds before our trip in June. Then we came home and dealt with mom's passing, the funeral and family. Saturday a week ago I got up early in the morning, donned my long sleeves and long pants and gloves and headed out to the back yard to weed. I got the hosta bed first. That brought it's own chuckle.

Claude planted in a special flower pot some leaf lettuce. The two rows of little sprouts popped up and stopped growing. They stayed that size for a long, long time and never grew larger. Claude assumed he had no lettuce crop this year. However, while weeding the hosta bed I found something a lighter color of green in the corn of the bed by the patio. To my amazement I found a nice leaf lettuce plant that was quite happy and growing larger and larger. It was fun to share Claude' s success with him.

Then I weeded the flower bed under my sewing room window. I think I'm going to have to pull up my two remaining hydrangea plants. They are full of poison ivy and I just can't get it out because the roots are entwined with the roots of the hydrangea.

Then I weeded the terraced beds that should be the garden and can't because the animals LOVE to eat whatever we plant there. Some of the weeds in these beds were the size of small bushes. Goodness!!

Then I walked a little further down the hill and weeded the ledge with the concrete bench and the rain garden bed for which I need to buy plants.

Now, I just had my flower beds by the altar to do. I was so pleased things were moving that quickly. We had rain the day before and the ground was soft enough I could pull out weeds without having to dig under them. Yippee!!

I found these cute little mushrooms at the bottom of one of the beds. To me they were just beautiful. So delicate. Such little things to bring pleasure to my day. A nice surprise to end my weeding for the day.

Observation #5:
This last weekend we went to LaGrange. We stopped in LaGrange at the Kroger to pick up some flat leaf parsley for Andie. As we exited the store we passed the floral section. There was a whiteboard there and I happened to read it. I was stunned and called Claude back to read it. It said, "Due to a world-wide shortage of helium, we will not be filling balloons."

What??? There is a shortage of helium? What is helium? Does it occur naturally? Do we make it? What is it made from? What is it used for besides balloons? All valid questions. Once we settled in at the Marx home I pulled out my Blackberry and set to research helium.

It is a by-product of oil production. The biggest storage place for helium is in Amarillo, Texas. One third of all the helium used in the world is produced between the Amarillo area and Kansas. During the last World War the government needed the helium for something to do with the war. They set up the storage and an agency to manage it. Since then they have been in the helium business. They wanted out and proposed a date for it to be privatized. There was the assumption that private industry would grasp this chance to make helium and money in the process. It hasn't happened like that. The current belief is that by 2015 to 2018 we may be out of helium. Oh, one of the other real important uses of helium is MRI machines. There are others but balloons and MRI machines are the two I'm most familiar with after doing this bit-O' research.

As I shared these facts with Andie and Claude, we all found it quite amusing that the fuss that will be made over not being able to fill balloons with helium is what will get the attention. When getting an MRI is soooo much more important than a helium filled balloon.

Observation #6:
One morning I noticed this at breakfast time in our home.

Now the things I found interesting is the choice of juice glass. Of all the glasses in our home, and there are quite a few, Claude picked the grandmonsters Diego cup. Such a grandpa!!

Observation #7:
The Friday after the funeral I had to go to the cemetery to pick up signed paperwork. We signed paperwork to open the grave and close it the Saturday prior to the funeral. It seems this paperwork is not official until someone in the state offices signs it. This necessitates my returning to pick up the final signed paperwork.

After getting the paperwork I headed over to the gravesite. The headstone was not in place yet. We are only supposed to put flowers in the headstone vase. I had a tiny glass vase with flowers from mom's funeral. I did not follow the rules but made sure there were some flowers on my mother's grave.

My parents plots are right by the road through this part of the cemetery. We chose these spaces so Papa could get to the gravesite easily and not have to walk a lot. I took these pictures of the view from the road over mom's grave and then from her grave across the road over the cemetary to the tobacco barn outside the cemetary. There are also lovely ponds with geese in them. It is a beautiful place for her final resting place. The trees on either side of the grave will provide shade.

We have taken Papa back to sit by the grave and have some time with Mimi. The road winds through the cemetery and it takes a few times to find your way easily.

Observation #8:
We had the privilege of an invitation from a friend to go to the temple in Louisville and act as proxy for some of her family members to be sealed to each other. It was a lovely evening with another couple and our Bishop also acting as proxy. Such a blessing to enter that beautiful building and feel that peace and strong spirit there.

Observation #9:
Papa and I are back singing at the nursing home. His voice has broken a few times but I truly believe it is a good thing for him to be doing this. The first time it was a little odd for me to know they would not wheel Mimi out to listen and sit with us. This was our family time each week. But the residents were so very happy we were there. Last Wednesday Clyde had a toy guitar. Clyde used to play and sing when younger. He set his hands in a cord of some kind on his play guitar and strummed and sang something that only Clyde knew what was the entire time we sang. Papa and I got a chuckle out of him enjoying the music so much. It was good to be doing this for others and, I must confess, for ourselves as well.

There you have it. A few observations from the last few weeks. Life does go on...and that is a good thing.

Back In The Game...

I have not Blogged since July 13th.

Truthfully, I just have not had it in me. Sometimes the desire was there as a flicker but just not big enough to do anything about. While I firmly believe I've handled my mother's passing very well, there is still a lot of paperwork to get done, the change in schedule (I still tend to think I should turn in at the nursing home for a visit), and just processing feelings. I did maintain a list (yes, Laura, I kept a.n.o.t.h.e.r. list!) I titled it (yes, Laura, I gave it a title this time!!) 'Observations'. So tonight I'll begin with that list and Blog a bit. I have lots of catching up to do.

While at times I felt a little bad about not keeping up with my Blogging as it happened, I found myself spending a few hours today typing up some more of my mother's hand-written journal. I noted she also had lapses in her journal entries. I heartened me in my less that stellar Blogging over the past few weeks.

I'll try to be better at Blogging as things happen. However, I'll not beat myself up if that happens. I'll just pick myself up, dust myself off, and give it another go.

In the Middle & Letting Go...

Some final thoughts...

Throughout this process I have tried to pause and let sink into my heart what was happening and the lessons I could learn from this experience.

On the Monday after I finalized the flowers and before I went to dress my mother, I had some time to myself. I stopped in to see Papa. I visited the nursing home to say hi. Then I went through Sonic's drive-thru and purchased a soda and drove to a spot to reflect and write down some thoughts. I want those thoughts recorded in my blogging journal.

When preparing a Sunday School lesson, I came across a scripture in Alma 17:10 where the sons of King Mosiah were going on their mission to the Lamanites. They fasted and prayed many days in preparation for this mission. The result of that fasting and prayer was in the Lord visiting them with his Spirit and saying to them "Be comforted. And they were comforted." I took great strength in those simple words...be comforted. I knew in my heart and soul that I could be comforted.

While sitting in the nursing home I was trying to finish reading my July 2012 Ensign. Their was an article at the very beginning by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled 'Always in the Middle'. Pres. Uchtdorf states, "There will be moments of beginnings and moments of endings throughout our lives, but these are only markers along the way of the great middle of our eternal lives."  He quoted Emily Dickenson who wrote, "Forever--is composed of Nows". Again, I found myself comforted in knowing Mimi was at an ending of her mortal journey but at the beginning of the next step in her eternal journey.

As I sat reflecting and sipping my soda, I remembered the quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell,
     "The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we 'give,'...are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!"

Then the phrase 'letting go' came to my mind.

Alzheimer's is a great teacher of these principles...submission and letting go.

I watched Mimi have to let go of all that seemed to make Mimi our Mimi. She was a strong lady, accomplished in her own right, with a great intellect and giving heart. Alzheimer's took the outward manifestations of these characteristics for a season. She became submissive to the disease but retained her gentle nature.

Papa has had to accept the slow loss of his helpmate over the past 10 years. He has had to submit to the care of her as a mother would to her child. He has had to submit to the fact that there must be a purpose in Heavenly Father's plan for this to happen to his wife. Then he has had to let go of so many things they shared together.

I watched my mother submit to the effects of Alzheimer's on her strong body. Eventually to let them lay her body down and, over a period of days, let the spirit leave that body. Letting go, if you will, of this life for the things of the next. I'll never forget that moment of the final little poof of a breath. The spirit truly leaving the mortal body. I know she knew of my being there, of the care I wanted her to have in that passing, I felt comfort and peace as she continued from the middle of her life onward.

This has been an extremely beautiful experience for me. I'm grateful for my understanding of eternal things. I'm grateful that understanding allowed me to learn from the experience instead of pushing it away and not facing it head on. I'm grateful for tears when they are needed. I'm grateful for smiles to keep me going. I'm grateful to offer to my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, a broken heart and a contrite spirit. One that has learned and is grateful for this part of the middle of my personal eternal journey.

Family Moments...

All the pictures taken before, during and after my mother's funeral have not been sent to me yet. But I wanted to post some of the family moment pictures after blogging about all of this.  Here are a few.

Claude took over my kitchen and kept us in food.

Baby Lexie brought much joy. 

Games were played.

Papa felt the love of little ones who, even though far away, felt very close.

Quiet moments were shared.

Sometimes we were a little silly.

One of us paused to look at the beauty in the moment.

And we felt the need of family to support and sustain each of us.

Through all of this, we remember our Mimi and Papa and the heritage they have given us. From the beginning of their marriage when they first knew they loved each other...

To the later years when they now have 14 grandchildren and 25 1/2 great-grandchildren that they could share that love with...

they have shared that love and shown their family the importance of love in our lives.

The Funeral...

Saturday Neffie would pick up David in the afternoon and Chiara and Marissa in the evening.

Saturday Papa, Andie, Claude and I would make the rounds in preparation for the funeral. Our first stop was Sunset Memorial Gardens Cemetery to sign papers for them to open the grave. Our second stop was Johnson's Funeral Home to finalize the funeral arrangements. The date was set for Friday at 10am for the funeral. Then we were off to Georgetown Florists to select the flowers for the casket and the family. This was an email I sent to Laura regarding the florist experience:

      So, we were at the florist selecting a spray for the casket. My tired started to show when I was trying to explain to the florist our purpose was to order a 'spray for the cactus'. Silly moi!!!

I'm ever so grateful we made so many of the preparations ahead of this time. We were gone about 3 hours to get these things accomplished. It was definitely worth the pre-planning.

I needed to create the program for Mimi's funeral and I needed to finish the eulogy. Papa had written some notes for the eulogy. Andie typed those notes up for me while I worked on the program. Then I took the eulogy and began adding the memories gathered from the grandchildren to Papa's notes.

Andie also started collecting pictures from my stash of digital photos and putting them on a thumb drive to go in a picture frame. We would enjoy these family pictures in our home with all the family there to see and remember.

Papa would came out to the house Saturday afternoon and spent time with the family as they arrived.

Sunday I arrived for sacrament meeting and did not see Papa there. Eventually I found Neffie and her three kids and went to sit with them. But Papa was not there. I gave Neffie my phone and asked her to call Papa and be sure he was okay. I was trying to talk with people prior to sacrament meeting about things needed for the funeral. Neffie called Papa only to learn he thought it was Monday and was within 10 minutes of going to Sadieville for the day. Papa changed to his Sunday clothes and joined us a church.

Claude went to visit the Owingsville Ward Sunday morning. Andie joined Michael in Shelbyville to get the Mini's. Michael had to work Monday and would come to the house Monday night.

Nissa, Todd and Jacob set out from Michigan and would arrive Sunday afternoon. Mike and Jonny would fly in and arrive Sunday afternoon.

One of the positive sides of a funeral is the ability to enjoy time to visit as a family. Our family is scattered all over the place and many of these cousins had not seen each other in 10 or more years. Our home was full of family and all the catching up we could get accomplished in a few days.

Monday I had to go to the florist to finalize the flower arrangements. I sent Laura this eMail about Bailey's input with the flowers:

      As I left this morning I was explaining to Bailey that I was going to the florist to finish work on the flowers for Mimi's funeral. Little cherub looked at me and said, "Get roses. You have to get roses." I told the florist this when he was showing me the flowers they ordered in. He had 2 shades of pink and I had told him I wanted the lighter pink. He popped off a single short stem from the lighter pink for me to take to Bailey.

Bailey was very happy to receive her pink rose when I returned home.

Monday afternoon I determined I would print the program at home instead of using the copier at the church. As I was printing, Hayden joined me. This was in my eMail to Laura about Hayden and the program:

      I decided to print the program at home. As I was doing that this morning Hayden came down to watch. I have 3 pictures on the program. The front cover has Mimi's face shot. The inside cover has a picture of Papa in his overalls dancing with Mimi in my breakfast room with Tiny at their feet. The back cover has a little picture of Papa holding Mimi's hand at the nursing home. Hayden and I talked about Mimi being able to dance and looked at the pictures. Then my precious boy looked at me and asked, "Could I pass out the programs?" I smiled and assured him that would be fine with me if it was okay with his mom. He bounded upstairs and came back with a big grin stating it was okay. I should have thought of asking but I'm so happy he thought of it and asked. I don't know how long he will last at the job but whatever he does will be fine and I'm sure Mimi will be smiling.

2pm Monday afternoon Neffie, Chiara and Marissa joined me at the funeral home to dress Mimi. We were assisted by Mary Walker and Cheri Risher. It was a tender experience. Neffie offered the prayer. Then Cheri directed us as to what to dress Mimi in step-by-step. Mimi's make-up was done so well and her hair was perfect. She looked just wonderful when we left.

Monday afternoon was spent just enjoying a house full of family. Junie, Steve, Kimmie and Mike joined us. That made a total of 21 family members plus Tiny, Papa's dog, in the house. We lots of fun, some games going on, tons of conversation and it was so good for Papa.

Tuesday morning Claude and I were at the Church by 8am to receive the flowers. Papa had asked for donations to Alzheimer's in lieu of flowers. This allowed for just a few flowers to take care of. The funeral home arrived at 8:30am and placed Mimi's casket at the front of the chapel. Bishop Jenkins made sure the flowers were in just the right place. I placed pictures of Mimi and Papa at the beginning of their marriage and from December 1992 on the tables in each foyer. We had flowers from Bonnie between one set of pictures and gardenias from Junie between the other set of pictures.

 

From 9am to 9:50am we had a visitation time for people to come and pay their respects. We were richly blessed by the nursing home staff coming during this time to see Papa and Mimi. Glen would come and stay for the funeral. Friends from our years of service in the church in Kentucky also joined us. Friends from Claude's role as Mayor of Sadieville also came to the visitation. We were surrounded by many friends as well as our family.

At 9:50am the family went to the Relief Society room where Steve Gulbrandsen offered the family prayer.

Then we all went back into the chapel for the funeral which started at 10am.

After the funeral the family left first and went to the foyer. The casket was taken from the chapel to the hearse. At this point I had Papa in our car to take him to the cemetery with Claude and me. Claude had backed the car in so Papa was able to watch the casket begin brought from the chapel to the hearse. His eyes filled with tears but his words were full of joy as he saw Hayden come out with Michael, Michael let Hayden get in line ahead of him and place his hand on the railing of the casket. Hayden was now being a pall bearer with his dad. Papa was beside himself with joy and wanting a picture. I was rummaging for my camera and missed the shot. We were able to get a picture at the cemetery when Hayden again became a pall bearer with his dad. So very sweet.

The funeral procession wound through the Kentucky horse country to Sunset Memorial Gardens in Frankfort, Kentucky. This made for a longer route but for our family from out-of-town this was a beautiful drive even with all the drought we are having.

The grave was dedicated by Claude after all the family arrived. Afterwards a picture was taken of Papa and his girls (from left to right: Sandi Christensen, June Gulbrandsen, Papa and Neffie Hurst).

Then we allowed the grand children to take flowers from Mimi's casket spray. The cemetary does not allow flowers except in the vases that are on the monuments. We would pack the flowers into Michael and Andie's van and take them home with us.

We went back to the church were the Relief Society sisters had prepared an amazing lunch for us. Michael was hoping for funeral potatoes, a Mormon staple, and he got his wish. After lunch we took the leftovers home and had them for dinner that evening.

The afternoon was spent enjoying family time. Junie and Steve and their two kids had to leave by 4pm. We made sure we took a few family photos on the deck before the Gulbrandsen's departed. Michael would also leave Tuesday evening to be to work on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning the Michigan contingent would leave right after the Marx mobile left. Neffie would come by with Marissa and Jonny. She would leave Marissa withand Lexie us and she and Jonny headed to the airport. Mike, Chiara and David would visit Papa at his apartment before coming by the house. Chiara was going to ride to the airport with Marissa to help with Lexie as much as possible. Mike and David would ride to the airport together.

We took Chiara and Marissa and Lexie to the airport at about noon. After dropping them off we went to Red Lobster for a nice sitdown dinner. Then Claude took me home where I went straight to bed for a nice 2 hour nap.