Observations Since July 13th...

These are in no particular order...

Observation #1:
Claude and I have the best answering machine response when you call and we don't answer the phone. Instead of us saying something we are both singing a song to the melody of "My Old Kentucky Home". This is the state song of Kentucky. The words we put to this melody are:

The sun shines bright on our cool Kentucky home

We're sorry we missed your phone call.

Please leave your name and number at the tone

And maybe we'll give you a call.

We've received several comments from people who happen to call and not find us at home or we're out in the yard and don't hear the call.

This last weekend we were not home. I called home to check messages. There was one from the vice-president of our bank. Then, there was a second message and it had giggling and rustling of papers and other noises I could not make out. I was just not sure what this was.

Claude returned the call from the bank. It was just a reminder of an event the bank was hosting in Sadieville. Then he learned what the second message was about. It was Jackie, the vice-president of the bank, and Kathy, the teller at the bank. Jackie was so taken with the song when she called earlier that she called back, knowing we were obviously not at home, so that Kathy could hear the message. They were laughing and enjoying the music.

It is so nice to give someone a chuckle.

Observation #2:
Last Wednesday I had to be in Georgetown to sing with Papa at the nursing home. Claude also had meetings but at a totally different time than me. We had a dinner meeting in Lexington that evening. We asked Papa if we could meet at his apartment and leave my car in his driveway while we went to the dinner. After the dinner and meeting, Claude dropped me off at Papa's to pick up my car.

As I drove down the 460 By-pass in Georgetown I noticed the sun was getting ready to set. There was an enormous cloud in the sky. As I reached Cherry Blossom before I would get to I-75 the sun was behind the cloud and it was shining out in rays from the cloud. The edges of the cloud were reds and oranges from the sun. It was stunning. I was suddenly transported to Maui when we watched the sunset behind Haleakala (a volcano). We had returned to the cruise ship for the departure from Maui. The sun was setting right behind the top of the cone of the volcano. It was like sunshine was coming out of Haleakala. While there was no volcano on the horizon in Georgetown, there was that enormous cloud with place for those rays to shine through.

I got up on I-75 headed to Sadieville and the scene was breath-taking. I was enjoying that view so much. I was wishing I had my camera. But I had no where to pull over unless I tried the Pilot Station. So I just determined I would make the best mental picture memory I could that I would be able to pull up and enjoy in the future. Click...Take a Pic!!

I got home before Claude. When he arrived I asked him if he saw that beautiful sunset. Amazingly, he didn't. I'm happy I looked and saw it and sure wished my good hubby had as well.

Observation #3:

What is this? It is a plant in our front yard. Please note what the drought has done to our grass. Yuck!!

This last week some men rang our door bell. I was having a pajama day and was on the phone. I called to Claude to answer the door. He did, talked to the guys, and came away chuckling. I found him chuckling when I came out after getting dressed.

It seems these men were in our neighborhood because they were upgrading the water meters. These poor guys were searching all around our front yard and couldn't find the water meter. Hence, they range the doorbell to ask where our water meter was. Claude was chuckling because he pointed to this mass of vine and told them it was under there. Dismayed, he assured them they could move it anyway they needed or wanted to without worry. He assured them this vine would come back with a vengence after they messed with it.

Claude built me a flower bed ring around the water meter since it stuck up over the ground. The intent with this vine was to fill that bed around the meter. The reality is this vine just grew and grew. Since the meter is read with a scanner there was not a concern about the vine. It really has pretty purple flowers on it sometimes.

Again, I got a chuckle out of these poor guys looking for a water meter.

Observation #4:
I didn't weed my flower beds before our trip in June. Then we came home and dealt with mom's passing, the funeral and family. Saturday a week ago I got up early in the morning, donned my long sleeves and long pants and gloves and headed out to the back yard to weed. I got the hosta bed first. That brought it's own chuckle.

Claude planted in a special flower pot some leaf lettuce. The two rows of little sprouts popped up and stopped growing. They stayed that size for a long, long time and never grew larger. Claude assumed he had no lettuce crop this year. However, while weeding the hosta bed I found something a lighter color of green in the corn of the bed by the patio. To my amazement I found a nice leaf lettuce plant that was quite happy and growing larger and larger. It was fun to share Claude' s success with him.

Then I weeded the flower bed under my sewing room window. I think I'm going to have to pull up my two remaining hydrangea plants. They are full of poison ivy and I just can't get it out because the roots are entwined with the roots of the hydrangea.

Then I weeded the terraced beds that should be the garden and can't because the animals LOVE to eat whatever we plant there. Some of the weeds in these beds were the size of small bushes. Goodness!!

Then I walked a little further down the hill and weeded the ledge with the concrete bench and the rain garden bed for which I need to buy plants.

Now, I just had my flower beds by the altar to do. I was so pleased things were moving that quickly. We had rain the day before and the ground was soft enough I could pull out weeds without having to dig under them. Yippee!!

I found these cute little mushrooms at the bottom of one of the beds. To me they were just beautiful. So delicate. Such little things to bring pleasure to my day. A nice surprise to end my weeding for the day.

Observation #5:
This last weekend we went to LaGrange. We stopped in LaGrange at the Kroger to pick up some flat leaf parsley for Andie. As we exited the store we passed the floral section. There was a whiteboard there and I happened to read it. I was stunned and called Claude back to read it. It said, "Due to a world-wide shortage of helium, we will not be filling balloons."

What??? There is a shortage of helium? What is helium? Does it occur naturally? Do we make it? What is it made from? What is it used for besides balloons? All valid questions. Once we settled in at the Marx home I pulled out my Blackberry and set to research helium.

It is a by-product of oil production. The biggest storage place for helium is in Amarillo, Texas. One third of all the helium used in the world is produced between the Amarillo area and Kansas. During the last World War the government needed the helium for something to do with the war. They set up the storage and an agency to manage it. Since then they have been in the helium business. They wanted out and proposed a date for it to be privatized. There was the assumption that private industry would grasp this chance to make helium and money in the process. It hasn't happened like that. The current belief is that by 2015 to 2018 we may be out of helium. Oh, one of the other real important uses of helium is MRI machines. There are others but balloons and MRI machines are the two I'm most familiar with after doing this bit-O' research.

As I shared these facts with Andie and Claude, we all found it quite amusing that the fuss that will be made over not being able to fill balloons with helium is what will get the attention. When getting an MRI is soooo much more important than a helium filled balloon.

Observation #6:
One morning I noticed this at breakfast time in our home.

Now the things I found interesting is the choice of juice glass. Of all the glasses in our home, and there are quite a few, Claude picked the grandmonsters Diego cup. Such a grandpa!!

Observation #7:
The Friday after the funeral I had to go to the cemetery to pick up signed paperwork. We signed paperwork to open the grave and close it the Saturday prior to the funeral. It seems this paperwork is not official until someone in the state offices signs it. This necessitates my returning to pick up the final signed paperwork.

After getting the paperwork I headed over to the gravesite. The headstone was not in place yet. We are only supposed to put flowers in the headstone vase. I had a tiny glass vase with flowers from mom's funeral. I did not follow the rules but made sure there were some flowers on my mother's grave.

My parents plots are right by the road through this part of the cemetery. We chose these spaces so Papa could get to the gravesite easily and not have to walk a lot. I took these pictures of the view from the road over mom's grave and then from her grave across the road over the cemetary to the tobacco barn outside the cemetary. There are also lovely ponds with geese in them. It is a beautiful place for her final resting place. The trees on either side of the grave will provide shade.

We have taken Papa back to sit by the grave and have some time with Mimi. The road winds through the cemetery and it takes a few times to find your way easily.

Observation #8:
We had the privilege of an invitation from a friend to go to the temple in Louisville and act as proxy for some of her family members to be sealed to each other. It was a lovely evening with another couple and our Bishop also acting as proxy. Such a blessing to enter that beautiful building and feel that peace and strong spirit there.

Observation #9:
Papa and I are back singing at the nursing home. His voice has broken a few times but I truly believe it is a good thing for him to be doing this. The first time it was a little odd for me to know they would not wheel Mimi out to listen and sit with us. This was our family time each week. But the residents were so very happy we were there. Last Wednesday Clyde had a toy guitar. Clyde used to play and sing when younger. He set his hands in a cord of some kind on his play guitar and strummed and sang something that only Clyde knew what was the entire time we sang. Papa and I got a chuckle out of him enjoying the music so much. It was good to be doing this for others and, I must confess, for ourselves as well.

There you have it. A few observations from the last few weeks. Life does go on...and that is a good thing.

Back In The Game...

I have not Blogged since July 13th.

Truthfully, I just have not had it in me. Sometimes the desire was there as a flicker but just not big enough to do anything about. While I firmly believe I've handled my mother's passing very well, there is still a lot of paperwork to get done, the change in schedule (I still tend to think I should turn in at the nursing home for a visit), and just processing feelings. I did maintain a list (yes, Laura, I kept a.n.o.t.h.e.r. list!) I titled it (yes, Laura, I gave it a title this time!!) 'Observations'. So tonight I'll begin with that list and Blog a bit. I have lots of catching up to do.

While at times I felt a little bad about not keeping up with my Blogging as it happened, I found myself spending a few hours today typing up some more of my mother's hand-written journal. I noted she also had lapses in her journal entries. I heartened me in my less that stellar Blogging over the past few weeks.

I'll try to be better at Blogging as things happen. However, I'll not beat myself up if that happens. I'll just pick myself up, dust myself off, and give it another go.

In the Middle & Letting Go...

Some final thoughts...

Throughout this process I have tried to pause and let sink into my heart what was happening and the lessons I could learn from this experience.

On the Monday after I finalized the flowers and before I went to dress my mother, I had some time to myself. I stopped in to see Papa. I visited the nursing home to say hi. Then I went through Sonic's drive-thru and purchased a soda and drove to a spot to reflect and write down some thoughts. I want those thoughts recorded in my blogging journal.

When preparing a Sunday School lesson, I came across a scripture in Alma 17:10 where the sons of King Mosiah were going on their mission to the Lamanites. They fasted and prayed many days in preparation for this mission. The result of that fasting and prayer was in the Lord visiting them with his Spirit and saying to them "Be comforted. And they were comforted." I took great strength in those simple words...be comforted. I knew in my heart and soul that I could be comforted.

While sitting in the nursing home I was trying to finish reading my July 2012 Ensign. Their was an article at the very beginning by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled 'Always in the Middle'. Pres. Uchtdorf states, "There will be moments of beginnings and moments of endings throughout our lives, but these are only markers along the way of the great middle of our eternal lives."  He quoted Emily Dickenson who wrote, "Forever--is composed of Nows". Again, I found myself comforted in knowing Mimi was at an ending of her mortal journey but at the beginning of the next step in her eternal journey.

As I sat reflecting and sipping my soda, I remembered the quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell,
     "The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we 'give,'...are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!"

Then the phrase 'letting go' came to my mind.

Alzheimer's is a great teacher of these principles...submission and letting go.

I watched Mimi have to let go of all that seemed to make Mimi our Mimi. She was a strong lady, accomplished in her own right, with a great intellect and giving heart. Alzheimer's took the outward manifestations of these characteristics for a season. She became submissive to the disease but retained her gentle nature.

Papa has had to accept the slow loss of his helpmate over the past 10 years. He has had to submit to the care of her as a mother would to her child. He has had to submit to the fact that there must be a purpose in Heavenly Father's plan for this to happen to his wife. Then he has had to let go of so many things they shared together.

I watched my mother submit to the effects of Alzheimer's on her strong body. Eventually to let them lay her body down and, over a period of days, let the spirit leave that body. Letting go, if you will, of this life for the things of the next. I'll never forget that moment of the final little poof of a breath. The spirit truly leaving the mortal body. I know she knew of my being there, of the care I wanted her to have in that passing, I felt comfort and peace as she continued from the middle of her life onward.

This has been an extremely beautiful experience for me. I'm grateful for my understanding of eternal things. I'm grateful that understanding allowed me to learn from the experience instead of pushing it away and not facing it head on. I'm grateful for tears when they are needed. I'm grateful for smiles to keep me going. I'm grateful to offer to my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, a broken heart and a contrite spirit. One that has learned and is grateful for this part of the middle of my personal eternal journey.

Family Moments...

All the pictures taken before, during and after my mother's funeral have not been sent to me yet. But I wanted to post some of the family moment pictures after blogging about all of this.  Here are a few.

Claude took over my kitchen and kept us in food.

Baby Lexie brought much joy. 

Games were played.

Papa felt the love of little ones who, even though far away, felt very close.

Quiet moments were shared.

Sometimes we were a little silly.

One of us paused to look at the beauty in the moment.

And we felt the need of family to support and sustain each of us.

Through all of this, we remember our Mimi and Papa and the heritage they have given us. From the beginning of their marriage when they first knew they loved each other...

To the later years when they now have 14 grandchildren and 25 1/2 great-grandchildren that they could share that love with...

they have shared that love and shown their family the importance of love in our lives.

The Funeral...

Saturday Neffie would pick up David in the afternoon and Chiara and Marissa in the evening.

Saturday Papa, Andie, Claude and I would make the rounds in preparation for the funeral. Our first stop was Sunset Memorial Gardens Cemetery to sign papers for them to open the grave. Our second stop was Johnson's Funeral Home to finalize the funeral arrangements. The date was set for Friday at 10am for the funeral. Then we were off to Georgetown Florists to select the flowers for the casket and the family. This was an email I sent to Laura regarding the florist experience:

      So, we were at the florist selecting a spray for the casket. My tired started to show when I was trying to explain to the florist our purpose was to order a 'spray for the cactus'. Silly moi!!!

I'm ever so grateful we made so many of the preparations ahead of this time. We were gone about 3 hours to get these things accomplished. It was definitely worth the pre-planning.

I needed to create the program for Mimi's funeral and I needed to finish the eulogy. Papa had written some notes for the eulogy. Andie typed those notes up for me while I worked on the program. Then I took the eulogy and began adding the memories gathered from the grandchildren to Papa's notes.

Andie also started collecting pictures from my stash of digital photos and putting them on a thumb drive to go in a picture frame. We would enjoy these family pictures in our home with all the family there to see and remember.

Papa would came out to the house Saturday afternoon and spent time with the family as they arrived.

Sunday I arrived for sacrament meeting and did not see Papa there. Eventually I found Neffie and her three kids and went to sit with them. But Papa was not there. I gave Neffie my phone and asked her to call Papa and be sure he was okay. I was trying to talk with people prior to sacrament meeting about things needed for the funeral. Neffie called Papa only to learn he thought it was Monday and was within 10 minutes of going to Sadieville for the day. Papa changed to his Sunday clothes and joined us a church.

Claude went to visit the Owingsville Ward Sunday morning. Andie joined Michael in Shelbyville to get the Mini's. Michael had to work Monday and would come to the house Monday night.

Nissa, Todd and Jacob set out from Michigan and would arrive Sunday afternoon. Mike and Jonny would fly in and arrive Sunday afternoon.

One of the positive sides of a funeral is the ability to enjoy time to visit as a family. Our family is scattered all over the place and many of these cousins had not seen each other in 10 or more years. Our home was full of family and all the catching up we could get accomplished in a few days.

Monday I had to go to the florist to finalize the flower arrangements. I sent Laura this eMail about Bailey's input with the flowers:

      As I left this morning I was explaining to Bailey that I was going to the florist to finish work on the flowers for Mimi's funeral. Little cherub looked at me and said, "Get roses. You have to get roses." I told the florist this when he was showing me the flowers they ordered in. He had 2 shades of pink and I had told him I wanted the lighter pink. He popped off a single short stem from the lighter pink for me to take to Bailey.

Bailey was very happy to receive her pink rose when I returned home.

Monday afternoon I determined I would print the program at home instead of using the copier at the church. As I was printing, Hayden joined me. This was in my eMail to Laura about Hayden and the program:

      I decided to print the program at home. As I was doing that this morning Hayden came down to watch. I have 3 pictures on the program. The front cover has Mimi's face shot. The inside cover has a picture of Papa in his overalls dancing with Mimi in my breakfast room with Tiny at their feet. The back cover has a little picture of Papa holding Mimi's hand at the nursing home. Hayden and I talked about Mimi being able to dance and looked at the pictures. Then my precious boy looked at me and asked, "Could I pass out the programs?" I smiled and assured him that would be fine with me if it was okay with his mom. He bounded upstairs and came back with a big grin stating it was okay. I should have thought of asking but I'm so happy he thought of it and asked. I don't know how long he will last at the job but whatever he does will be fine and I'm sure Mimi will be smiling.

2pm Monday afternoon Neffie, Chiara and Marissa joined me at the funeral home to dress Mimi. We were assisted by Mary Walker and Cheri Risher. It was a tender experience. Neffie offered the prayer. Then Cheri directed us as to what to dress Mimi in step-by-step. Mimi's make-up was done so well and her hair was perfect. She looked just wonderful when we left.

Monday afternoon was spent just enjoying a house full of family. Junie, Steve, Kimmie and Mike joined us. That made a total of 21 family members plus Tiny, Papa's dog, in the house. We lots of fun, some games going on, tons of conversation and it was so good for Papa.

Tuesday morning Claude and I were at the Church by 8am to receive the flowers. Papa had asked for donations to Alzheimer's in lieu of flowers. This allowed for just a few flowers to take care of. The funeral home arrived at 8:30am and placed Mimi's casket at the front of the chapel. Bishop Jenkins made sure the flowers were in just the right place. I placed pictures of Mimi and Papa at the beginning of their marriage and from December 1992 on the tables in each foyer. We had flowers from Bonnie between one set of pictures and gardenias from Junie between the other set of pictures.

 

From 9am to 9:50am we had a visitation time for people to come and pay their respects. We were richly blessed by the nursing home staff coming during this time to see Papa and Mimi. Glen would come and stay for the funeral. Friends from our years of service in the church in Kentucky also joined us. Friends from Claude's role as Mayor of Sadieville also came to the visitation. We were surrounded by many friends as well as our family.

At 9:50am the family went to the Relief Society room where Steve Gulbrandsen offered the family prayer.

Then we all went back into the chapel for the funeral which started at 10am.

After the funeral the family left first and went to the foyer. The casket was taken from the chapel to the hearse. At this point I had Papa in our car to take him to the cemetery with Claude and me. Claude had backed the car in so Papa was able to watch the casket begin brought from the chapel to the hearse. His eyes filled with tears but his words were full of joy as he saw Hayden come out with Michael, Michael let Hayden get in line ahead of him and place his hand on the railing of the casket. Hayden was now being a pall bearer with his dad. Papa was beside himself with joy and wanting a picture. I was rummaging for my camera and missed the shot. We were able to get a picture at the cemetery when Hayden again became a pall bearer with his dad. So very sweet.

The funeral procession wound through the Kentucky horse country to Sunset Memorial Gardens in Frankfort, Kentucky. This made for a longer route but for our family from out-of-town this was a beautiful drive even with all the drought we are having.

The grave was dedicated by Claude after all the family arrived. Afterwards a picture was taken of Papa and his girls (from left to right: Sandi Christensen, June Gulbrandsen, Papa and Neffie Hurst).

Then we allowed the grand children to take flowers from Mimi's casket spray. The cemetary does not allow flowers except in the vases that are on the monuments. We would pack the flowers into Michael and Andie's van and take them home with us.

We went back to the church were the Relief Society sisters had prepared an amazing lunch for us. Michael was hoping for funeral potatoes, a Mormon staple, and he got his wish. After lunch we took the leftovers home and had them for dinner that evening.

The afternoon was spent enjoying family time. Junie and Steve and their two kids had to leave by 4pm. We made sure we took a few family photos on the deck before the Gulbrandsen's departed. Michael would also leave Tuesday evening to be to work on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning the Michigan contingent would leave right after the Marx mobile left. Neffie would come by with Marissa and Jonny. She would leave Marissa withand Lexie us and she and Jonny headed to the airport. Mike, Chiara and David would visit Papa at his apartment before coming by the house. Chiara was going to ride to the airport with Marissa to help with Lexie as much as possible. Mike and David would ride to the airport together.

We took Chiara and Marissa and Lexie to the airport at about noon. After dropping them off we went to Red Lobster for a nice sitdown dinner. Then Claude took me home where I went straight to bed for a nice 2 hour nap.

The Process of Passing...

In May of this year we took my mum-in-law to Michigan to see her grandchildren and great grandchildren. We picked Jake up in Chelsea and he rode with us to Muskegon for the weekend. He brought a CD for us to listen to that was made by a friend of his from their Purple Rose apprenticeship days. I enjoyed the CD so much that Jake gave it to me.

After returning home to Kentucky, I put the CD in my car and began to listen to it again. I found myself captivated by the 11th track of the CD. The song is "Turn Your Head Back Around". I listened to it several times and finally realized the song was about a funeral. It has such a simple melody and words. I found it comforting, easy to sing along with and just beautiful to listen to. As I listened, I felt strongly that Mimi would not live a lot longer. Over the next few weeks, I listened to this particular track of music and sang along with it over and over again. Each time drawing strength from the chorus where the words are:

     Don't look down when you go, don't look down when you go,
    Turn your head back around, don't look down when you go.

For me, this was what I was hoping for my mother. When she passed, I wanted her to not look back but to look forward to those waiting for her on the other side of the veil. Those words helped me to be keenly aware she would pass and I would accept that passing wanting her to move forward in her eternal progression. I believe this little song was placed in my life to prepare me for the soon-to-happen events of my mother's passing.

Tuesday, June 5th, after feeding Mimi, I headed to the theaters in Georgetown to meet up with Claude. While waiting in my car in the parking lot for him to arrive I had a very strong impression. Feeding Mimi that day had been a chore. Since her bout with shingles she had taken a huge decline. My impression regarded the eulogy to be read at her funeral. Papa wanted to do this for a long time but had never gotten around to it. I'm sure the difficulty in feeding Mimi that day had impressed upon my heart and mind the closeness of her passing. I followed the impression I received and immediately sent an eMail to my sisters and my kids requesting each send one remembrance they had of Mimi in their lives and one of Papa. These could be incorporated in the eulogy and then added to mom's personal history. I asked my sisters to forward the eMail or speak to their kids regarding these memories and to have them sent to me via eMail.

Sunday, June 24th, after feeding Mimi lunch with Papa, I was very concerned about a trip I was to take that coming week. I asked Helen, a nurse at the nursing home, if my mother would live while I was gone or if she felt I should cancel my trip. Helen assured me I should take the trip and she felt mom would live another week...but she wouldn't promise that.

Monday, June 25th, Claude and I headed to Michigan to join Nissa and Todd on their driving tour vacation of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. While in route I received this gentle eMail from Andie:
     Had a talk with Hayden tonight about Mimi struggling and how that was hard for everyone who loves her.  He wanted to know if they could give her medicine to get the germs out of her body so we talked about that but I also felt like it was good for him to know that at some point she will pass away and that it will be hard but also good for her to have peace.  That sweet boy looked at me and said, but Mommy won't it be nice for her to be with her Mommy again?  And her Mommy's Mom? 
     Thought you'd like to know that :)

Friday, June 29th, while on the northern tip of the Keweenaw Peninsula in Michigan we had no cell service. I was calling Papa daily after he fed Mimi to see how she was progressing. I was anxious to get cell service so I could check in.

When we got to where cell phone service was restored, I checked messages. I had a voice message from the nursing home. It was Kathy Crawley the social worker in the nursing home. She assured me it was not an emergency but requested I call as quickly as I could. I determined I would speak with Papa before calling Kathy. I tried to call Papa and he never answered.

I called the nursing home. Kathy was gone for the day and the remainder of the weekend. I explained the situation and was eventually transferred to Helen, a nurse who has been with the nursing home forever. She knew what Kathy called about and could explain it to me.

At lunch that Friday the speech therapist spoke with Papa and explained that Mimi was not swallowing. She had lost the ability to eat. The nursing home administration needed to have a meeting with Papa and me to determine the next course of action. Kathy's call was to explain this to me and set up a meeting.

Helen further explained that mom was in her room with an NPO order posted over her bed. That is an acronym for Latin words that mean 'nothing by mouth'. They had placed an IV in mom's arm containing a saline solution to keep her hydrated until we determined what to do next. This IV provided no nourishment only hydration. I told Helen I would be there as quickly as I could.

I continued to try to get Papa on the phone and never got an answer nor did I ever get the answering machine so I could leave a message. My thoughts ran from Papa falling to him being out trying to think, pray and process the situation. I eventually got Jim Parker, a friend from church, and he went to Papa's apartment.

Jim found Papa fine and watching television. They determined Papa's phone was not working and contacted the telephone company who assured them they would have Papa's phone fixed by Saturday afternoon. Jim let me speak to Papa on Jim's cell phone. This allowed me to be sure Papa understood what the nursing home was telling us. He assured me he understood.

I also began the eMail process. I would continue from that point forward to send regular eMail's to my sisters and my kids so that everyone was informed of Mimi's progress. My sisters would forward the eMail's to their kids as they felt appropriate. Through all of this I kept thinking how hard it would be to be so many miles away and not know, but want to know, how things were progressing. Hence, the series of eMail's that would follow for the next week.

All these phone calls transpired as we drove to our hotel in Hancock, Michigan. Todd got us to our hotel as quickly as he could. We checked in and I began the phone calls to try and find air transportation for Claude and me back to Muskegon.

While doing this Nissa tapped on our door. She came in and told me to quit trying that method, she and Todd were taking us back to Muskegon to get my car so we could head back to Sadieville. I had just been informed there were absolutely no seats on any flights from where we were to Muskegon for the next two days. Nissa and Todd cutting their vacation short was an enormous blessing. They did it cheerfully and never once made me feel it was any imposition to them. Since they are the manager and assistant manager for their store, it is difficult for them to get vacation for a full week at the same time. I know what a sacrifice that was for them and their love truly showed through as they unselfishly gave of themselves to get us home to my parents. I love my family.

I told Nissa we should find a place and have a nice dinner. Then we all needed a good night's sleep because there was a lot of driving in our future. Todd found a neat little Italian restaurant and we had a very nice dinner together. During that dinner Junie called from her vacation in China. She had received the eMail and had some questions.

Saturday, June 30^th, found the four of us having breakfast at the hotel’s breakfast buffet before starting our journey back to Muskegon. We were on the road by 7:30am and would arrive in Muskegon at 5pm. Upon arrival we simply moved our things into my car from Nissa and Todd’s and immediately hit the road again. We would get back to Sadieville about 1am Sunday, July 1^st.

During our return drive I sent an eMail to Cheri Risher, our Relief Society president, alerting her to the situation and that things were under control.

I received a delightful eMail from Andie regarding the Mini's response to all that was happening:
Subject: Funny Notes...
     Hayden was sure it would comfort us a lot if we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast in the morning.
     Bailey clearly listened well in her St. John's Pre-school Easter lessons because she asked if she would be able to see Mimi 'rise up'!!

Back in Kentucky Andie kicked into gear and took over for me on the home front. She scooped up the Mini's and came to Georgetown on Saturday. They stopped at Papa's apartment to be sure he was okay. He went with them to Sadieville where Michael had already arrived. This was a welcome reprieve for Papa. Michael went to Sadieville in his own car to allow Andie freedom to move in her car as needed and stay as long as she needed.

After enjoying some time in Sadieville to get the kids settled and let Papa enjoy them, Michael watched the Mini’s while Andie took Papa back to his apartment. Then Papa would join her at the nursing home. Andie sat with mom until about 8:30pm. She called to report how Mimi was when she arrived and after she left.
     Andie reports that the IV is still going. There is a sign by her bed telling everyone to not give her anything by mouth. Mimi did try to look at Andie several times. She would hold and squeeze her hand. She is very dry in her mouth and her lips. She put her hand to her throat and even pulled Andie's hand there once. She also made squinty faces some. One cannot tell if this is discomfort or pain. Andie reported the dry mouth and lips to the nurses before she left and they were going to get Mimi a mouth treatment.

It was so good to have the information as Claude and I journeyed back to Kentucky. Again, how grateful for a daughter and son-in-law that would just step in and keep the home front going in our absence. I love my family.

Sunday morning I got up when Papa called. His phone was now working. Yippee!!! Now was not the time to not have a working phone. Papa would go to Church. I went to the nursing home to sit with my mom. Papa joined me after Church. He brought a CD and I brought a CD player to Mimi's room. The CD he picked was one with him and mom singing at least one of the songs. I found this very sweet.

After Papa arrived at the nursing home, I called Claude and he and Andie came in to the nursing home. Claude and Papa would give Mimi a priesthood blessing. Claude was voice for this blessing. Claude gives beautiful blessings. I have always maintained that is one of the 'Gifts of the Spirit' with which my hubby was blessed. After giving Mimi her blessing, Claude also gave Papa a blessing. It was a tender moment for our family.

Papa went home to rest. His poor back was done in and he needed a break. Claude and Andie left and headed back to Sadieville. I stayed for a bit longer with my mom. I would send this information in the next eMail:
     Mimi's blood pressure today was 120 over 78. Wish mine was that good.
    She has had one mouth treatment since I have been here. Since she breathes thru her mouth it is really drying out. So they come in regularly and swab the inside of her mouth with an antiseptic/mouthwash combination. Mimi hates this but you can see the relief in her after they finish.
     Papa and Claude gave her a blessing. He gave her a beautiful blessing of comfort and peace.
     Then Claude gave Papa a blessing. He promised him a great capacity to understand and to make the decisions at this time. He blessed him to listen to the council of those close to him.
     Mimi held Andie's arm with one hand and stroke it with the other while resting her head against it. She seemed to try to speak to Andie. Right now she is holding my arm like that and having a peaceful sleep. Yep, I'm typing this with one hand!
     Mimi has laughed a lot today. This gave Papa great joy.
     Just wanted you to know that she is at peace today. There are definitely moments when she is hurting but for the most part she is having a good day.

I left the nursing home about 4pm Sunday evening. I went home to an amazing meal prepared by Andie and Michael. I had some time with the Mini’s. Then headed to bed at 10pm. Rest was going to be at a premium for a while.

During Sunday, Neffie flew from Beijing, China, to Houston, Texas. She wanted to be in the States when Mimi passed.

Through the day Sunday we heard reports of Mimi's effect on other people who work at the nursing home. Here are a few:
     When I arrived this morning Glen was in her room. Glen is the Chaplain for the nursing. He came back to visit just a bit ago. He shared with us that he has often sat and read the Book of Mormon to Mimi. I did not know this and find it another tender mercy in Mimi's care at the nursing home.

     When Carolyn came in this morning to clean the floors and bathrooms she was surprised to see Mimi in bed. I told her we were in the final moments of her life. Carolyn said, "Wednesday I don't have to work. I would be happy to come and sit with Ms. Virginia so you could have a break or get things done." These are the people who have loved and cared for our Mimi for the past 6 years. They are a rich treasure in our lives.

     One of the CNA’s caring for my mother yesterday was unaware Mimi was in her final days until we talked. Her eyes clouded with tears. She explained that she did part of her CNA training at Signature Health Care. During her training they used Mimi as an example. They explained that she was a nurse during her working years. This particular CNA has felt a closeness to mom. When she finished her training and sought employment she took a position at Signature Health Care. She asked right off if Mrs. Lawrence was still there and was very happy to learn mom was there. She explained she just felt a closeness to her because she knows how hard she works and understands the work mom did. I told her that probably makes them ‘kindred spirits’. I have heard many times over the past six years that the nursing home staff is thankful for what Mimi does. I always wonder how an Alzheimer patient is helpful. Now I understood one way was being an example for the CNA’s in training.

     The stories still abound of mom when she was still walking. She would revert to her nursing days. The staff would give her a clipboard and mom would sit in their meetings taking undecipherable notes. They loved her and let her feel included when the easy thing would have been to shut her out.

Monday morning I called the nursing home and spoke with Kathy Crawley. We set up a meeting with the nursing home administration and Papa and me for 11:30am. Michael left Sunday evening but Andie and the Mini’s were still at the house. I spent a little time with them, cut Bailey’s bangs, and then headed into Georgetown.

I was able to sit with mom a while before Papa showed up for the appointment. Andie came just before time for the appointment. She left the Mini’s with Claude and came to sit with Mimi while we went to our meeting.

During the meeting we were told the speech therapist spent a good deal of time early that morning just trying to get water down my mother. Mimi just couldn’t even swallow a tiny bit of water.  We understood that the ability to swallow was completely gone. The option open to us was feeding mom through a tube. We knew going into this we would not choose that option and told the nursing home staff no feeding tube. This meant the nursing home would contact Mimi’s doctor with the no feeding tube instructions. Her doctor would order the IV removed. Pain medication would be made available as needed. This would be in a form that could be put in her mouth and dissolve without her swallowing. Nothing more would be given to mom orally. We were offered a private room for mom but declined that as well. Mom’s roommate is never in her room. She likes to sleep in her wheelchair by the nurse’s station and just does not like her bed. Since the traffic thru mom’s room would really only be me and Papa, it seemed silly to move mom. 

We went back to Mimi’s room and shared the results of our meeting with Andie. I called Claude and caught him up to speed. Then I sent another eMail to my sisters and my kids updating them.

This meeting just served to make it official. We were now waiting for Mimi to pass away. We were told this usually took from two to five days but could take longer. Eventually everyone left. Andie needed to retrieve her kids and head home to LaGrange. Papa needed to check on Tiny and give his back a rest. I had some more quiet time with my mom.

The RN on duty came in to check on mom later. We had a nice chat about what to expect. She assured me Mimi would not pass that night. I cleared out some of mom’s clothes from her closet, collected my stuff and headed for my car and Sadieville. Another night in my own bed would be a welcome relief.

Monday night Claude fixed me a nice dinner. I got my laundry done from our trip and the Marx visit, pictures edited and labeled from the next to last day of our trip, another Blog entry from our trip for that next to last day, two bathrooms cleaned and the dishes done. Productive evening if I do say so myself. Then I settled down for some good rest. It is amazing how, when I fell asleep those few beginning nights in my own bed, I slept completely through without waking until time to get up. That is not my pattern of sleep at all and I appreciated the blessing of complete rest those few nights.

Tuesday, July 3rd I found Papa at the nursing home when I arrived. He came back to the nursing home Monday evening and stayed till 10:30pm. Tuesday morning he was back at 6:30am. When I arrived he left. He would returned in the afternoon.

I sent this eMail update to our family:
     This morning Papa was back at 6:30am. When I arrived at the nursing home, I found Mimi asleep in her bed and Papa asleep in the chair next to her. The CD player was playing Papa singing. I truly wanted to take a picture of that beautiful moment but I didn't want to spoil that moment either.
     They took the IV out of Mimi's arm last night before I left. Amazingly she did not flinch when they pulled off the tape or pulled out the needle. Her relationship with pain is so different. It is like her body has forgotten how to register certain pains. When they changed her gown yesterday the tie caught her hair just a bit. She did wince then but she has always been extremely tender-headed.
     This morning Mimi is very subdued. She will take my hand and welcomes the touch but there has been no firm grasp. She has almost sung a tune and I have been blessed a couple of times with a smile.
     They have a morphine drug Mimi can have for pain. The RN explained what signs to watch for to signal Mimi is in pain. She might twitch or wiggle some or she might make sounds. If we see any of this we call the RN and she will give Mimi the pain meds. So far there is absolutely no need.
     So we will wait and watch. I'll eMail again later.

Claude came and took me down the street at lunchtime to Burger King. Gotta love those sweet potato fries they have this summer. This would be Claude's way of 'fixing' things for me. Guys need to fix things. That is their nature and a good part of their nature. To be sure I had some break time and good nourishment to continue this process with Mimi, Claude would come daily and take me away from the nursing home for a quick lunch break.

When Papa returned to the nursing home in the afternoon, I pulled out the hymnal I brought and we prepared the program for the funeral. While we were doing this we picked out the hymns for Papa's funeral as well. I was able to then get this program to the Bishop and to Cheri, our Relief Society president so they could help with the music end of it.

Glen, the chaplain for the nursing home, also told me a phrase I’ve never heard before. He said they do something called the ‘ministry of presence’. That simply means the act of you sitting in a room with someone is soothing and helpful. It brings a sense of companionship and peace. You really don’t have to be doing anything. Just be there with good feelings and share that positive spirit. I decided I really liked that phrase ‘ministry of presence’. I’ve been a firm believer in that concept a long time and now I have a name for it.

Today I held both her hands in mine and sang to her. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on me and listen ever so carefully. Such a joy to make eye contact and share the feelings of mother and daughter through that gaze and the feelings in the room.

As the wait continued, it felt a bit surreal at times. I shed tears at the kindness of others as they learned of Mimi’s condition and shared memories. But for the most part there was a peace at spending this time with Mimi. I was able to smile a lot and enjoy the peace.

Wednesday, July 4th I would begin my 24/7 vigil. Here is some of the eMail sent that morning to the family:
     They rolled mom over to her left side yesterday afternoon. She was not a happy camper. Her right side is her preferred side. I got 2 of the CNA's to turn her body just a bit and she was a little more comfortable. But I'm betting when they shift her back to her right side she'll be happier.
     Mimi's blood pressure was 165 over 90 very late last night. This morning it is 159 over 99. That is high and expected.
     Her temperature is 99.5 this morning. It has gone as high as 101. We have been given to understand a fever is part of the dehydration process.
     She is very chatty, giving lots of last minute instructions. Once we finally found a comfortable position for her on her left side yesterday afternoon she nestled in and slept for the longest stretch Papa and I have ever seen. She has been chatty a lot since then.
     Mimi is comfortable. She does not appear to be in any pain. Papa said last night he did not anticipate her passing last night, he felt like today might be the day. It occurred to me about midnight that it would be poetic if our Mimi chose Independence Day as the day to leave this mortal journey.
     Know that Papa is okay. He is set up here in a chair that allows him to spend maximum time with mom and even hold her hand for periods of time with minimum strain on his back.
     Tiny is so very confused. She knows something is terribly awry with their schedule. When Papa is at home she stays right by his feet wherever he goes.

I received this eMail response from Junie who was on her vacation in China:
     We went to the 3 gorges dam today. While there I had about 15-20" to just wander through a gardenia garden. That is both my and Mom's favorite flower. It was so fragrant. A special moment for me. Another woman on the tour took my picture there.

I was in contact via eMails with my friend, Laura. I shared this silly incident that would have bearing on Mimi's final passing:
     Okay...Please don't think less of me than I have currently given you reason for, but I'm going to share a little of our death bed humor with you...just 'cause.
     The clock in Mimi's room is broken. It has been 5:15 since we started sitting here last Saturday. Our current running joke is "we know the time of Mimi's death, we just don't know the day."
     This afternoon the fire alarm went off because someone burned popcorn in a microwave. They couldn't figure out how to turn it off. It was getting louder it seemed as time went by. I got up and closed the door once we knew it was a false alarm. It was hurting Papa's ears. When the fire department finally turned it off Andie said, "Well, it didn't last that long. It is still only 5:15."

Michael was off on Wednesday and he watched the Mini's so Andie could come and sit with Mimi one more time. It was good to have her there again. Mimi seemed to truly enjoy having Andie's arm to rest her head against.

Wednesday night felt so much like Mimi could pass that I stayed the night. I would stay in the nursing home, with the exception of lunch with Claude each day, until Mimi passed. I found quiet times with just Mimi and me a good time for me to sing to her. I would get right in front of her face and quietly sing a song. When I was through, I would smile really big.

Thursday was the last time I saw mom try to smile back. It was very weak but it was there, of that I am sure. She was truly fading away.

Andie described this process as a 'reverse birth'. Laura also described it as the 'struggles in going home are like the struggles in being born here'.

Thursday Bishop Jenkins came for a visit. Mimi was breathing very shallowly for part of the time and in strong puffs the other. We had a nice visit with Bishop. He assured us there were angels in attendance and there was a strong spirit in the room that was good.

Thursday at about 6pm Neffie arrived and sat with us the remainder of the day. She would go to Sadieville in the evening for a good night's sleep.

I would spend the night at the nursing home Thursday night.

By Friday Neffie's kids travel was in place. All five would be able to attend the funeral. They would arrive on Saturday and Sunday and all return home on Wednesday. I also received an eMail from Junie, who was now making her way home from China, that Steve's training classes he was to teach had been canceled for the week. This is very rare and we felt the Lord's hand there so that Steve would be able to come with Junie.

Mimi's blood pressure was dropping continually on Friday. Her temperature had been increasing. This, we were told, is a direct result of dehydration. This is a paragraph from my Friday morning eMail to the family:

     Through the night and this morning Mimi had been doing what is termed 'apnea'. Basically you have to look really close to notice there is a heartbeat. You see no sign hardly of any breathing. She will rest like that for a bit and then she will have labored breathing. This is a very normal as part of the dying process.

Friday afternoon Kathy Crawley came to Mimi's room. She carefully took the hand I was not holding out from under the sheet and blankets. She laid Mimi's hand across hers and smiled with a few tears in her eyes. With a smile in her voice she said, "Look, her fingers are straight!"  Mom had been 'curling up' for some time. During the last few days her fingers were tightly curling inward. Now they were relaxed. For the first time in so very long her fingers were straight. Her legs were also trying to straighten out.

Lucy came in to check mom. She looked at her feet and legs. Then she showed Neffie and me how they were turning dark blue in splotches. This was a sure sign of the closeness of death.

Glen came back to Mimi's room. He came in often just to see if we were okay and how things were progressing during the week. This time he stayed and talked to Papa. I believe he knew the end was very near.

Neffie is a nurse by profession though she has not worked at that for some time. As I sat by mom's side and held her hand and stroked her head, Neffie was at her feet and kept counting breaths. You count the number of breaths in 15 seconds and multiply by 4. That gives you breaths in a minute. We were watching this number begin to decline more rapidly.

Neffie and I lifted the blanket over mom's legs and now there was a long dark streak down the side of her leg. Papa had mentioned going to let Tiny out. We told him he needed to stay here with Mimi.

Watching life slowly slip out of someone is a remarkable process. Mom's breathing was so very shallow that you might tell a heart beat through her gown if you really, really looked hard for one. It was apparent there was not enough oxygen going in during any breath you saw her take. As they got very intermittent, Neffie and I just watched her and then looked at each other. The final breath was just a little puff. I am sure that is when the spirit left her mortal body. And she was at peace. I looked at Neffie. Neffie looked at me. We both said, "I think it is finished." I looked at Glen and said, "I'll go and get the nurse to be sure."  Glen said he would do that. We told Papa that Mimi was gone.

The nurses came into the room. There were several. They checked mom and pronounced officially that she was deceased. Then one of the nurses said, "You are not going to believe this. Guess what time it is?" We all looked at that broken clock. It was 5:15 by the nurses watch and by the broken clock we had all looked at all week. We enjoyed a little chuckle and found mom very clever in the time of her passing.

I was holding myself together very well until the staff in the nursing home heard that mom had died. They began to come in to give her one last hug good-bye. Seeing those people who have loved my mom and our family like their own for the last 6 years just touched my heart and some tears did flow.

The nurses called the Johnson's Funeral home to come and get mom's body. I called Claude and told him. He would call our kids and his mom. Neffie called her family. I called Junie who had been home for one hour from her trip to China. Junie would notify her family.

While Neffie was in the hall talking to her family, I was in the room with Papa. He was sitting in the chair holding Mimi's hand. I sat on the bed and put my hands on his knees and looked into his face. I asked Papa if he was okay. Papa said he was fine. He stated he had been through many deaths before. I gently told him this was his wife and it would be different for him and that was okay. He assured me he was okay.

I told Papa I wanted to share a story with him. Then I told him about my delivering Andie or Jake. Claude was by my side as the nurse examined me while I was in labor. I pass a lot of blood and the nurse quickly looked at Claude and told him that was normal and everything was okay. She didn't want him to worry. Claude looked at her and said, "I've pulled calves. This is not going to bother me." In the throes of labor I looked at my dear hubby and said, "I'm not a cow. I'm your wife and this is different!"  Papa and I chuckled and I again said to him, "Papa, you have experienced this often but this time it is your wife and it is okay for it to be different."

The CNA came in to clean mom's body before the mortuary arrived. Neffie and I wanted to help with that. Papa headed for home. Neffie and I helped give mom one final bath.

Claude got into town before they came for Mimi's body. He gave me a huge hug and shed many tears. He did love my mother.

Then Toney arrived from the funeral home. He knocked on the door. I opened it and he gave me a big hug. What a comfort to know that my mom was going from one place of care and loving to another who would tenderly care for her body.

I gathered the few remaining items I had left of Mimi's in her room and Neffie and I headed to Sadieville.

Andie would return to Sadieville late Friday night.