Music, Bea's Funeral...

Sunday, January 21st, the Relief Society was invited to sing a special number in Sacrament Meeting. We had a small group of sisters that participated. We sang "Mid Pleasures and Palaces". This was in the previous LDS Hymnal but was not included in the 1985 version. It was written for a female chorus in three part harmony. We practiced the two Sundays previous right after church. Elizabeth Christensen was the accompanist. Those participating left to right in the second picture are: Sandi Christensen, Camille Bennett, Jenessa Dymock, Beatrice___, Camille Klein, Laynie Barney, Heidi Barney, Jenna Potter, Jenna Thacker, Jennifer Squire, Sasha Friley. 

When I left the stand to return to my seat after the number, I could see Claude with his eyes full of tears. Clearly, he was touched by this chorus. 

The cute thing was giving this to these sisters for the first time. Look closely at the picture. I could be every one of these sister's mother. Elizabeth is 5 years older than me. Needless to say, none of the young ladies had heard this song before. They immediately talked about how old it was. Elizabeth and I had a grin about that. The second week when we practiced, I shared a quote I read that week in my Liahona magazine. The article was entitled 'Spiritual Skills for Surviving the Last Days" by Merrilee Browne Boyack. "Create a home that is place of security...Having places of security to which you can retreat will help you embrace the future with faith. In addition to our temples and meetinghouses, our homes will be critical places of spiritual strength, protection, and peace in the last days. We must make every effort to fill our homes with the Spirit to offer this protection for our families." After reading this quote, I shared how Claude and I were going to Italy in February. We would see marvelous buildings and homes. We would enjoy all of this tremendously. But nothing will feel so good and returning to our little home after the amazing trip and curling up in our own bed again. That is what this song is about. Our little cottage, however big or small it may be, is our place of security, peace and renewal. The sisters got it and were ready to practice this "OLD" song the second week. 

Monday, January 22nd, Claude and I were up and out the door about 7am. This day was a travel day back to Maryland. The reason for the trip was the passing of Michael's, our son-in-law, grandmother, Bea Marx. We wanted to attend her funeral. We enjoyed this view as we pointed the Buick east.

We would stop in Lavale, Maryland where Fred and Bevy Myers would join us for a nice lunch. We were there after 1:30pm. It is always good to meet and catch up with these dear friends. Then we headed to our hotel in Rockville, Maryland. We would stay in the Best Western on Hwy 28. It turned out to be the best hotel for a trip to Maryland. It has very easy access to I-270 either direction which then gets you to the Beltway or any other highway you need to get around the DC area. We thought we would maybe have dinner with Andie and Michael but chose to drive-thru Chick-fil-A instead. It was dark and we were tired. 

I checked in with text to Bailey and Hayden. Bailey sent me this picture of stuffed shells she made herself for her dinner. I assured Bailey I thought they were amazing. I told her Grampa was impressed. Bailey's response, "As he should be." She then said she would have to cook for us some time. 

Andie and Michael drove to Maryland on Sunday. They would stay with Joyce Romanoff, Michael's stepmother. They would spend Monday helping Ken, Michael's dad, empty out Bea's apartment at the senior living community. Brian, Michael's brother, would help them. This turned up a treasure that Andie would show me the next day before the funeral. Bea was highly organized. She had labels on everything. Andie found a little pocket tablet. Bea put labels on it and recorded all her VHS tapes. The first portion was alphabetical listing the movies. There was another section for musicals, etc. I have all our DVD's on an Excel spreadsheet which is printed out and in the piano bench. When someone visits, I can give the sheet to pick out a movie they might enjoy watching. They also found a place with Ziplock bags for each month. In the bag was the cards to be sent to whomever had a birthday or anniversary the month. If Bea thought of something she wanted to remember to say in the card, she would put a draft of that thought in the card for when she actually wrote in the card. Highly organized. Andie knew I would appreciate this. That little notebook is really a story about Bea. 

Monday night Michael and Andie gathered with his siblings at Ledo's Pizza for dinner. John Nazarro was their server. John is a dear friend from Michael's childhood. It was a great time to catch up with John and the siblings. Andie took this picture of Michael, John and Brian (Michael's brother). 

Tuesday, January 23rd, was the funeral. It would be a graveside service at Mt. Lebanon Cemetery. This cemetery is also called Washington but there is a large section of it that is the Jewish section. 

This was a very sweet, very traditional Jewish service. We went to Henry's, Bea's husband, service years ago. It was held in a funeral home. I don't remember much about it so this was a good memory boost for me. We were blessed with temperatures in the high 40's and a clear day. The ground still had snow on it so paths had been cleared for us to walk but the ground was soggy in placed and hard in others for a very uneven walk. The tent was up for family to sit under with grass-like carpeting to walk on and some sheets of plywood. Again, the ground underneath was very uneven. With the ground like this, Ken fell before the serve and most people even arrived. They got him up and in a chair. He didn't hurt anything, Thank Goodness. 

Bea was 101 years old. Her brother lived in an apartment near her. He is 96 years old. He was able to attend the service. It was heartwarming to watch Michael and other friends and family carry Charlie from his car up the walk to the tent while others removed a chair to make a place for Charlie's wheelchair. 

Ken is in the blue coat with the stocking cap on his head. Standing in front of him is Derrick Romanoff (a stepson), Michael to the back, and John Nazarro shaking Ken's hand. The lady who would officiate and is probably a female rabbi is in the pink hat to the right. Jennifer is the female to the right with her arms folded to be warm. She is Michael's sister.

In this picture they are getting the casket out of the hearse by grandchildren. Two men at the front are workers at the cemetery. They have a cart they are pulling. The rabbi is to the left with a book in her hand reading in Hebrew as they remove the casket from the hearse and as the walk it to the cemetery plot. 

The grandchildren moving the casket into place over the gravesite. Michael is in the front left. It is interesting to note that the casket is a plain wooden casket. It had a wooden Star of David on the top. That was all ornamentation other than the handles with which to carry it. Henry was also buried in a wooden casket. One of the tenets of the Jewish faith is the belief we are created from dust and to dust we are destined to return. The body has to return to the earth as soon as possible. With a simple pine casket, it will be a natural decomposition of wood. Burial is intended to take place in as short an interval of time after death as possible. Embalming and cremation are forbidden in the strict Jewish law. 

This is the rabbi conducting the service and explaining that it will be a traditional Jewish service. She was very gentle and kind to everyone and the family as they participated and needed to change things to accommodate them. When she did the 'cantor' portions where a prayer would be sung, I realized how monotone they seem to me. There is inflection. The notes do go up and down but not a lot. I think I like when a male voice does this better. More resonance. 

The rabbi explained that an important part of the Jewish service was the family sharing the obituary of the deceased. Ken would speak first. His remarks he said were intended to be humorous and show the life of Bea through that lens. He assured us Marian's remarks would be more serious. Ken simply wrote words or phrases that were like adjectives of Bea as a person. Some we all nodded in agreement. Some we chuckled with amusement. Some we laughed out loud. It was a touching tribute to his mother. 

These pictures are of Marian Lerner. She is Ken's sister and Bea's daughter. This was a very emotional experience for her. She was having a difficult time getting through the passing of her mother and this funeral. In the first two pictures she is pointing out jewelry. She wore earrings from her sister, Susan, who has already passed away, and a necklace that was her mother's. She wanted everyone to know they were present with these actions. Marian shared experiences she and her mother had, trips they had taken together. It was personal and let everyone have a good glimpse into Bea. Again, we felt emotional at times and then laughed at times. All these things are healing to me. The third picture has Marian with her son on the left and her hubby, Mark, on the right. 

Then Charlie said he wanted to speak. This was not on the program. The rabbi made sure he had time to speak. Family moved his wheelchair so he was facing the group. His daughter is standing to the left. Derrick is on the left and Brian is on his right. Charlie's voice is very soft and he speaks very slowly. But he shared how close he was to Bea through the years. He shared experiences of their childhood. Their parents had a market with a store window. He and Bea, as children, would stand in that store window and do the jitterbug. People would line up to watch their two kids dance together. He will miss Bea. They loved watching those VHS tapes together. 

The rabbi then explained the tradition of placing soil on the grave. The ground was clearly frozen where the pile of soil from the grave was located. A large bucket of soil had been placed by the grave and it would serve the purpose for Bea's funeral. The rabbi explained that Israel is dear to Jews all over the world. A vial of soil from Israel was first poured into the plot by the rabbi so that Bea would have some of Israel's soil with her. Then the rabbi share about everyone who wanted to helping to place soil into Bea's grave. This is done in a particular way. The hand spade is used but it is used upside down. This is because we want to keep our loved one with us as long as possible. This is a difficult thing to let go. So, the soil is taken from the bucket (in this case) with the spade upside down. To further emphasize this slowness in parting, the spade is emptied into the grave using a backhand motion. Then the spade is laid back on the ground before the next person uses it. It is never handed to the next person. Henry was left near the casket and would be the first to put soil into his sisters grave. Love how the family helped him so he had this parting gesture of care for his sister. 

Michael would place soil in his grandmother's grave. 

There were prayers and readings throughout the service. Usually, they were done in Hebrew and then in English. At the end, a final prayer, the Kaddish, is read by the closest of family. They were given the prayer and it was read in Hebrew. This our Michael reading that prayer in Hebrew. I have heard Michael speak in Hebrew before and loved hearing that. It was good to see him embrace this part of his faith for his grandmother. 

When the portion of the service around the gravesite was finished, we were asked to form two lines leaving the gravesite to the cars. The immediate family would pass through those two lines and we were to say something in Hebrew. Now, that was not going to happen because it was a long phrase and I can't remember that much for that long. The rabbi gave us the English version. Basically, we all shook hands with the family as they walked between us. Marian was supported by Mark, her hubby. As she got to Claude and I she looked with a questioning look at us, then her eyes showed that she was remembering, the tears flowed as she realized we drove over from Kentucky for this service. I just held her hand and told her we loved Bea and Henry, and we loved their family. Tender moment. 

I noticed people placing rocks on a headstone near the gravesite. I recognized the names. This is Bea's mother and father's headstone, Milton and Esther Brotman. 

Andie and Michael attended something with the family. This was on display. It is a picture of Bea and Henry. Way cool. 

We would leave the cemetery and Michael and Andie to be with his family. With his sister living in London, his brother in Florida, and Michael in Kentucky, they really don't see each other often. Not to mention his father who lives part-time in Florida and part-time in Maryland. So, Claude and I truly felt they needed to have as much family time as they could these few days. There would be a meal served at the synagogue for family and friends. In the evening, everyone would go to Mark and Marian's home for an evening meal and visit. 

Claude and I drove to Arlington, Virginia. We would pass the Washington DC Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Our destination was the Italian Store for our much-loved sandwich, the Milano. Oh, it was yummy. 

With the cold and snow, we decided to go back to our hotel and rest a bit. I searched for places to get crab cakes. I mean, really, Maryland is for crabs!! I also sent Andie a text. She suggested a place called G&M in Linthicum, Maryland. We drove there via a new road to us that cuts across the counties and avoids the Beltway. It is a toll road, but that traffic moved and we were happy about that. We had a huge meal that was delicious. My crab cake meal is pictured with my dinner fork at the top of my plate to show the size of the crab cakes. Claude's meal had a smaller crab cake as well as a sampling of other seafoods. We did NOT have dessert. 

I ended up being ill all night long. 

Wednesday, January 24th, we slept in a bit. Our plan was to take this day and do something fun. Well, I didn't feel good still and simply wanted my home. Rain was in the forecast for the entire area we would be in for this day and Thursday. So we pointed the Buick north to Hagerstown and picked up I-81 south to I-64 and went home that way. At least we would see some different scenery. We stopped outside Huntington, WV to dinner and to fill the car with gasoline. Claude would also stop at Walmart so I could pick up some baby yarn to finish a project. Our Georgetown Walmart had none. It was a good drive and we got home at 8:30 in the evening. We unpacked and plopped ourselves in the living room to catch up on Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We are old!! I worked with my yarn to get some more squares finished on the baby afghan. 

Thursday, January 25th, the morning was foggy. There was the promise of rain through the afternoon and evening. We stayed inside so I could rest up another day. I would work on a few things on my laptop and crochet some more. A quiet day to heal is such a blessing.

Life is good. Family is important. Home is important. I feel richly blessed!