They Twain Shall Be One Flesh...

Matthew 19:5 ...For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.

My mind had pondered a lot on the blessings and struggles of marriage this last week. It has been two months since Claude had his surgery. An experience like this can often make a marriage better or it can weaken it severely. I have been blessed to experience great joy as Claude and I have gone through this experience. It has been comforting to be able to talk about all that one goes through in these kinds of experiences. The possible things to help healing, the concerns when something is not quite like you think it should be, the happiness of realizing each little bit of healing. It has felt so good to be able to talk frankly and openly with each other. So, with all these experiences, my mind had pondered on the things that marriages go through. 

Today, Monday, August 14th, is the 8th anniversary of our first-born grandmonster. The first picture is was taken on their wedding day. The second picture was taken August 6th. In these short eight years they have had four children, numerous pets, purchased a home, and struggle constantly to make ends meet. This is young married life as it begins to flourish. 

I so remember when Claude and I purchased our first home. We had no money for a down payment. We went to my parents, who were not in a great financial position. My mother had a savings account at her work with $500 in it. She closed that account and loaned us the $500 to purchase our first home. We moved into our little home in Denver, Colorado with three kids. We had pets from fish, to turtles to dogs. And we struggled financially to balance the cost of a home and raising kids on Claude's income. I helped by teaching piano lessons in my home and delivering Johnny Appleseed bags full of coupons to individual homes. I planned menus for each week and carefully bought groceries with that small amount of food budget. Claude worked full-time, had a part-time job at Shakey's Pizza and went to school to get his college education. Life was a struggle. But we did it together and it made us stronger together. We definitely had rough times, but we knew we really loved each other. We wanted it to work. So we tried to do the things that make life work...together.

I know another couple where the wife has left the husband. From all outward appearances, you would think this family with three kids is a happy family. Clearly, there must have been problems. Their path was to separate. Their little ones now have a difficult time living between two parents.

I have watched our daughter and son-in-law prepare for that next step as their son leaves for college in a couple of weeks. They will have their daughter home for two more years, but life is and will be different than when they were little kids. They have and will continue for the next two years with the joys of having teenagers. I often hear mothers of little children complain about how hard it is. If they could only see what lies ahead with teenagers. They are good years. But you are at the point where you let them fly away a bit to learn to have independence in a big way. If they fail, they have a safe spot to come home to so they can prepare to exercise their wings and independence again. Then, before you know it, they are out of your home and into adulthood for real. You are found with that "empty nest" you always longed for. This is where you really find out if you have feed that marriage of yours so that it is ready for just the two of you again. It won't be like it was when you were first in love and starting out. It will be a more mature kind of love. Hopefully you have kept having time to yourselves as a couple so you have things in common and really enjoy being together. This is an interesting time in a marriage. 

I have another friend who has learned his wife definitely has dementia. He still has a medical practice to run. The changes that are coming for him are demanding and draining, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Having gone through this with my parents, I understand from a daughter/caregiver position what he will have to do. I am sure with this being his much-loved wife, there are things he will feel and experience that I didn't. When I talk with him, I can tell he is struggling. One can offer suggestions, assurances, prayers. But the struggle will be his and his children's to bear the brunt of. I remember how my need to spend so much time caring for my parents drained Claude and me. We worked at being sure we were close during this time. I remember Claude taking over the cooking duties as the years wore on. That one thing lightened my load so much. He plotted the grocery runs and did them. He planned and cooked the meals and cleaned up after. Not having that on my radar was such a blessing. It might be something different for other couples, but the need to find the thing you can do to help your spouse through these tough times is so very important and strengthens your relationship.

Yesterday Claude and I attended the visitation of Billy Wilson and today we attended his funeral. Billy and Jo Carol lived in Eagle Bend in Sadieville when we retired and moved there. Jo Carol was the first person to come to our home with a little house warming gift to welcome us to Eagle Bend and Sadieville. Billy and Jo Carol had each been married for years to other people. Their spouses each passed away. Then Billy and Jo Carol married. They were married for 32 years. Billy's son from his first marriage spoke at the funeral. He shared how important Jo Carol was to Billy. He shared that Billy was an early riser. When Jo Carol would come into the kitchen in the morning and find him, he would say, "There is my blessing." That, my friends, is how a man should look at his wife. She should look at him the same way. 

Tuesday, August 8th, Claude and I went to the Louisville Kentucky Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I took this picture as we walked to enter the temple. We were married 53 years ago in the Logan Utah LDS Temple. As we left the temple that evening, Claude and I commented how we felt pure joy at having attended the temple.

Thursday, August 10th, Claude had an appointment with Miracle Ear to check his hearing aids. He went on his own. He went to Lowe's after to get things to take the rust off a metal heart and then paint it red so we can nail it to our fairy garden tree. This metal heart was found when they cut the tree down and I kept it and wanted to put is back on the tree. Claude got the materials to get that heart ready to hang. As he was going out of Lowe's, this beautiful plant caught his eye. He bought it and brought it home to me. It is a black-eyed Susan. This was the Maryland state flower. We lived in Maryland for 20 years. Isn't it lovely?

I was so happy to get this beautiful flower. Claude set to work getting the rust off the heart. The rust had really weakened that metal and it broke as he worked with it. Now Claude has found a coat hanger and will make me a new metal heart. He will paint it red because he knows that is my vision of this heart. Then he will hang it on the tree and we'll enjoy it for years to come. 

These are the things that make marriage at our age, well, any age really, good and sweet. Thoughtful gestures. Kind words like please, thank you, you did a great job, what a good idea and the all important, I Love You!! 

The surgery and its effects are hard for Claude. He has relied on me to help him through. As I reflect on this experience, I realize that Claude did all these things for me the two times I had major surgery in our marriage and the time I fell and ruined my top gum and teeth. I didn't worry. I knew he would be there, he would love me no matter what. 

I am grateful that this experience has brought us closer together. We are a great team. We twain are one flesh and will be so for eternity. I love that thought. It has been good to reflect, ponder and realize again all these things during this week.