Finding His Way Home...

Saturday, May 14, 2022, I started my day with a morning call from the nursing home. Papa was not well. He had very low blood pressure, his breathing was labored, he was lethargic, he would not look at you when spoken to, he also had diarrhea. I explained to the nurse I had heard a bit of congestion on Friday when I was with him and was concerned about getting pneumonia. She assured me when listening to his lungs they did not hear anything of concern. I also explained to her that, when I tried to give Papa a bite of his treat on Friday, he simply moved it around in his mouth and let it rest on his tongue as he fell asleep. This is totally out of character. The nurse had already placed a call in to the doctor. I opted to wait for doctor instructions before we moved him to a hospital.

I got my laundry started and set my home in order and headed to the nursing home. During this brief period of time, the nurse called and said the doctor's orders were to do as they had been doing. I told her I was coming in and would watch him for a good while before we decided to move him to a hospital if needed.

I went to the nursing home. The CNA's were cleaning Papa so I took my time in the hallway to send a text to Junie and Neffie (my sisters) to alert them. I also sent a text to Claude and asked him to please find someone who could come with him to give Papa a blessing. He was able to get Brad Manwaring to come. As the CNA's worked, one came out and went to get things to shave Papa and trim his nails. This was one of the times I was pretty sure we were at the end. Claude also sent a text alert to the kids for me. Claude and Brad came and gave Papa a beautiful blessing of peace at the end of his life. 

At 12:30pm the nurse came in to take vitals. The blood pressure was up to a normal range again. Oxygen was again in a good range as well as he pulse. I asked the nurse if they were going to try to feed Papa. She shared that she didn't think it would be wise. She said she would get swabs to keep his mouth moist and she brought a DNR order for me to sign in case we had to quickly put him in an ambulance. 

Andie called to be sure I was okay. She had called her dad first to be sure it was okay to call me. I found this a sweet gesture on her part. We had a good call and stopped talking when the nurse returned. 

I talked with the nurse as she swabbed Papa's mouth. I asked her point blank if she felt this was the end of his life. She assured me she believed it was. I asked her how long she felt it might take, knowing this was only a guesstimate. She said three to five days.

I left and went home to change laundry and ask Claude to take me for a hamburger. Having gone through this with Mimi, I knew I might sit in the nursing home for long periods of time. We had a nice lunch in the Burger King parking lot. When we returned home, I switched my wash again before heading back to the nursing home.

I stayed with Papa until 6pm and then decided to go home and rest for the night and come back early in the morning to stay as long as it took. 

Sunday, May 15th, at 12:41am, I received another call from Signature HealthCare. It seems Papa passed about 12:30am. This will always be my only regret. I truly wanted to be with Papa when he passed. I did not want that to happen alone. Claude and I got dressed and went to the nursing home to say our goodbyes to Papa. I never shed a tear. Looking at Papa, I knew his spirit was not in his body. This was simply his body. His eyes were not quite closed so I closed them. I held his hand a bit. He had been cleaned up and was in a hospital shirt which seemed strange as he always wore long-sleeved t-shirts. I gathered his things that I would take home with us. I spoke with the nurses at the nurses station. They said the mortuary usually came in about an hour. I told them that all clothes remaining in Papa's room could be given to other residents as needed. I really only wanted the blanket Mimi made and a bone pillow I made, if they could be found. I was sure they were in the laundry. Then Claude and I went home.

Upon returning home, I received a phone call from Grant at Johnson's Funeral Home. He was about to leave to get Papa's body and wanted to express condolences and answer questions. We determined he would go ahead and embalm Papa's body. Then he and I would meet on Monday at 10am to finalize arrangements with the funeral home. Grant would also reach out to Sunset Memorial Gardens during the day on Sunday to alert them. We had a flurry of texts to our kids and my sisters. Finally, we tried to get some sleep but it was fitful at best for Claude as well as me.

We got up and got ready to go to Church. The men were doing an impromptu choir for the special musical number in Sacrament Meeting. They sang "Ye Elders of Israel". This is always such a moving experience. I enjoyed being with the little ones in Primary. Emerson James gave her very first talk. She is only about 4 years old. Her mother came in to stand beside her and prompt her as to what to say. Emerson stood at the little kids podium we have in the Primary room and talked into the microphone. Her mother whispered in Emerson's ear what her first sentence was to say. Emerson held the microphone and whisper into it exactly as her mother had whispered into her ear. It was so sweet. She did that the entire talk. The miracle of all this is that, when I was first called to serve in Primary, Emerson would not speak at all to anyone. Now here she was giving her very first talk. 

After Church, Claude took me to Applebee's for my favorite meal there, Wanton Chicken Tacos. To this I added a cup of Chicken Tortilla Soup. Delicious. We headed home. 

Claude pull my funeral file for my parents which is kept in his file cabinet. While he napped, I started pulling things together for my Monday meeting with Grant and Johnson's Funeral Home. It felt weird to do this. Usually I am at the nursing home with Papa during this time. To stay home felt really strange. I was also fielding texts from family trying to determine the best time for everyone involved for the funeral. We also determined we were going to have a graveside service in lieu of a full blown funeral at the Church. I created the eulogy for the newspaper and sent it to my sisters to be sure they agreed with it. 

In the evening, I started to not feel well. This would not be a good thing. Lots to do this week. Lots of family to prepare for. Sickness is not needed. I would go to be early this evening.

Monday, May 16th, I was still not well in the morning. I did the best I could to get myself together so we could go to this meeting. 

We had a good meeting with Grant. Set the funeral for Thursday. We would meet at Johnson's Funeral Home as a family at 9am for a brief viewing and family prayer. Then we would caravan with a police escort to the cemetery in Frankfort for a graveside service at 10am. I left the obituary information for the newspaper. I left basic clothing for Grant to put on Papa. Claude would come back on Wednesday at 3pm with other priesthood holders to put the ceremonial clothing on Papa. Grant knew a bakery in Stamping Ground that could provide lunch. We chose a menu and that was settled. I would go to Georgetown Florist and pick out a spray for the casket. I also needed to meet with the cemetery. Grant had them say they would call me back that day to set that time. We left feeling things were on their way. I sent a group text to the family with date and time so everyone could make arrangements for travel.

Claude and I went to Walmart so I could purchase silk flowers for the gravesite. I chose pink and white roses. Papa loved pink and pink seemed appropriate.

Next we went to Georgetown Florist and picked out the spray of flowers for the casket. Again, we went with a pink theme. 

I had not eaten anything and only had what water I could tolerate. We went to Burger King and got me some chicken fries and a small soda. We ate in the parking lot. Lisa Marie took our order. We love her. She waves to us from the window from which she works when she takes our order. She recognizes the green Jeep. It is always a cheerful experience with her. 

I would spend the rest of my day trying to get a program together and answering family questions as they came in. We got all the boxes that were Jake's items out to the shed this afternoon. Now the floor of Sandiland could be used for an air mattress if needed. 

We left at 4:30pm to head to LaGrange. The Mini's had their final band concert this night. We thought we wouldn't be able to make it. But we paused and did this. It was good to enjoy really great music and be with family in a non-funeral-planning mode for a bit. These are my two favorite high school band participants with their musical instruments. Hayden with his Euphonium and Bailey with her trumpet.

I was still not well and went to bed at 10pm thinking rest was the best for me when I could get it this week.

Tuesday, May 17th, I had not received a call from Sunset Memorial Gardens to set a time for me to come and do their paperwork prior to the burial on Thursday. I called them first to get that set up. They said I could come at 10:15am. We quickly got dressed and headed over there. It didn't take long. All the ducks were already in a row and I had been through this with Mimi's funeral. After signing the papers and setting up an appointment to return on Friday to receive the papers, Claude and I drove to the gravesites and put the new flowers on the graves.

This day I was still not fully well. I did eat an English muffin and drank chocolate milk. I was able to keep them down all day without hurling. Yeah me!! We would spend our afternoon with me finalizing the program, getting my sisters approval of it, and getting it and other information to Grant so he could keep doing his things at the funeral home. Then Claude and I set to work. He got a shepherds hook and we put it in the front flower bed so I could watch the hummingbirds from the sofa in the study. When Andie saw these, she asked if her father was put in the corner. I assured her that was perpetual!!

We would then work at boxing up Jake's books and CD's and putting the guest room back as before. I can't seem to find the pillow shams...Ugh!

In the evening, I worked on the eulogy to be read at the funeral added the new memories from family to that growing list. It is truly fun to read what each family member remembers in their relationship with Papa. Hope he is looking down from heaven and seeing all of this. 

Wednesday, March 18th, family would begin their journey to Kentucky from all over. I had called and made an appointment with the Physician's Assistant at my doctor office. Blood would be drawn and it would definitely let us know I did not have a bleeding ulcer. I really probably have food poison. Medication was prescribed to get my tummy fixed enough so I could do all that needed to be done to get through the funeral and family time. The side effect was the medication made me very sleepy and a good bit dizzy. 

Claude would go to Johnson's Funeral Home at 3pm to dress Papa in his temple robes. With him would be Howard Carter, a dear friend that lives in Frankfort, Kentucky, and Dusty Hanson, another dear friend from Georgetown. It felt very good to me that these were the two men to help Claude. 

Nissa, Katelyn and Joel would arrive first from Michigan. They would be staying in our home. There is absolutely nothing to keep you grounded during a funeral like a little baby. Joel is 11 months old and the happiest of babies. He lets you hug and snuggle and he roams freely when on the floor. What a delight to have this bundle of happiness during the next few days. 

We opted to go to Arby's for dinner rather than cook that evening. I sat in the back seat by Joel and he babbled away. Here is Joel babbling. I love this stage with babies. This is their work. They are practicing how to make sounds that lead to words. It is fun to watch this process. 

When we got home, Katelyn gave Joel a bath in our kitchen sink. He really loved splashing that water. 

That evening Neffie would drive in from Oklahoma with her son, Mike. Neffie's other son, David, his wife, Katherine, and their children Norah, Phillip, Eric and Robert would also drive in by car from Arkansas. They would pick up Chiara, Neffie's daughter, at the Bluegrass Airport in Lexington after she flew in from Salt Lake City. This entire family unit would stay at the Super 8 in Georgetown. They would have dinner at Cracker Barrel and then come spend some evening time with our house full. The kids were fascinated with Joel. He enjoyed having little people in the house.

Junie and her family were all flying in to the Cincinnati airport. Junie, Steve and Stevie would fly in from Salt Lake City. Dan would fly in from Milwaukee. Kristi would fly in from Denver. They would all stay at the Fairfield Inn. They got in a bit later so they did not come to our home Wednesday evening. 

This day I filled out the eulogy and printed it for Mike Hurst to read at the funeral. I also made sure I had all the memories of Papa that family sent in a document for Stevie Gulbrandsen to read at the funeral. I would not print that until Thursday morning before we left for the funeral home giving everyone a chance to get their memories to me. 

All was as ready as we could make it for the funeral on Thursday when we went to bed that evening. 

Thursday, May 19th, we awoke early. The family was to be at Johnson's Funeral Home by 9am for a family viewing and family prayer. Katelyn fed Joel and got him dressed for the funeral. He was quite a handsome little guy.

The family time at the funeral home was good. This was our first time to be with Junie's family. Everyone mingled and viewed Papa as they each felt fit for them. Nissa, our oldest, had expressed a desire to give Papa a final nose sugar. Claude put a stepstool in the back of my car in case she needed it to get to him. She did not. She gave him nose sugar. These are the things that bring closure in a good way for family. Papa looked good.

These are pictures of the family visiting at the funeral home.

Steve Gulbrandsen offered the family prayer at the end of this very nice family time. The casket was closed and we determined to line up the cars in birth order. Claude and I would be behind the hearse with Michael and Bailey in the car with us. Behind us was Junie and her crew. Then Neffie with Mike and Chiara followed by David and his family. The pall bearers would be Steve and Dan Gulbrandsen, Junie's sons, Mike and David Hurst, Neffie's sons, and Michael, our son-in-law. We also asked David's three boys if they would like to help. They were eager to be a part and placed themselves between the grown men. Papa's body was born by his grandsons, great grandsons and his grand son-in-law. 

We had a police escort. Sunset Memorial Gardens is in Franklin County, Kentucky. Johnson's Funeral Home is in Scott County. It is about a 20 minutes drive. We would be escorted by Scott County Police to the border of the two counties and then escorted by Franklin County Police when in Franklin County. They take a drive through Kentucky horse country to get there. I was especially happy about that as these are roads Papa and I used to drive all the time. He loved these scenes. So driving by them one more time was very fitting. 

As everyone arrived, I got a few pictures of the vault. We upgraded that for the funeral. We opted for the one with a tree on the top. Papa loved trees. He would study their shapes and color. So, a tree on the top was very fitting. Hanging from the tree branches were 20 little gold circles. These were for the family members to take home and put on their key rings so they would always have a bit of Papa with them. I had also placed fresh silk flowers on the graves earlier in the week. 

Family gathered around. There was seating for me, Junie and Neffie. Most everyone else stood for the brief service. 

The pallbearers would bring Papa's body to the gravesite. 

Me, Junie and Neffie would take our seats and Grant would give instructions while the gentleman helping him would give out the programs. 

Steve Gulbrandsen, Junie's hubby, would conduct the service.

We sang "I Need Thee Every Hour" for an opening hymn. Chiara lead the singing.

Mike Hurst would read the eulogy.

Steve (the son) would read Memories of Papa sent in by family who were at the funeral as well as those who could not make it. 

Papa had requested that "Be Still, My Soul" be sung at his funeral. David Hurst agreed to do this for his grandfather a cappella. Papa would have loved this. David said he had to not look at his mother so that his voice would not break. He did a lovely job.

Claude, my hubby, would then offer a Dedicatory Prayer on Papa's grave. 

That was the little service for Papa. All done by his family for him. It was simple and simply beautiful. 

My one request after the service was to get a picture of us girls behind Papa's casket. When Mimi died 10 years ago, we took a picture of Papa with his girls behind Mimi's casket. I wanted to duplicate that experience for Papa's casket. This turned out so good. Very happy to have this picture of the three of us together. 

Now family would go back to Georgetown to our home for a light lunch and family time before people had to depart for the airports. This would be a good relaxing experience for us all. The weather was beautiful and we used the inside of our home as well as the back yard for this part of our day. Here are some family pictures of this family time.

As it neared time for Junie's crew to go to the airport, we took a few pictures of family groups. 

First is Neffie's family: Standing are Phillip, Mike, Chiara, David, Katherine and Norah. Seated are Robert, Neffie and Eric.

Next was Junie and her family. Standing are Steve, Junie and Kristi. Seated are Dan and Steve.

Then we did my family. Standing are Michael, Andie, Sandi, and Claude. Seated are Katelyn holding Joel, Bailey and Nissa.

Kristi had a great suggestion to get all the grands. Standing are Phillip, Robert, David, Mike, Andie, Kristi, Dan and Steve. Seated are Chiara, Eric, Bailey, Nissa holding Joel, Katelyn and Norah. Papa had 14 grandchildren, 31 great grandchildren and 4 great great grandchildren. 

We brought home the casket spray of flowers. We burst it apart so that anyone who wanted could take flowers home with them. The little rings from the vault were given to those who wanted one for their key ring. 

Junie and her family left first around 2pm. Neffie's group stayed and visited a bit more. Then they left when it was time to take Chiara to the airport in Lexington. They would not come back that night. They stayed at their hotel for some family time together. They would drive early Friday morning for home. 

Nissa, Katelyn and Joel spent the night. Claude introduced Joel to Twinkies. Joel loved this treat and dutifully ate one as Claude broke off bits for him. 

Nissa, Katelyn and I put the remaining flowers in vases. Our home now has that lovely funeral home scent. I like that scent, so it is going to be something I will enjoy. I did get a little silly as we worked with these flowers. The big pink bow looked like a fascinator that women wear to the Kentucky Derby. Katelyn took these pictures of me being silly.

We all headed to bed about 10pm. Long day with a need to get Nissa and Katelyn on the road to Michigan in good time on Friday morning. 

Friday, May 20th, Claude fed Joel another Twinkie for breakfast. I think we have the thing that will be Joel's relationship with his great grandfather...a Twinkie. Joel enjoyed some time studying turtles on Claude's lap. We would miss this little guy when they left.

Nissa and Katelyn hit the road. Claude and I decided to go to Bojangles for a biscuit breakfast. We took our scriptures and read while sitting in the Jeep after breakfast. Then we came home and took a much needed nap. 

After our nap we drove to Bardstown, Kentucky. Years ago at a fundraiser, we bid and won a metal tube that was used during the Civil War to carry messages back and forth. There is a nice military museum as well as a Civil War Museum a little further down the hill in Bardstown. They were happy to receive this donation for their exhibits. The man receiving this gift took us on a tour. He knows so many interesting details about all of their exhibits. It felt right to place this artifact in the right place. 

When we got home, we decided this weekend would be one of rest as much as possible. We decided to start watching the Harry Potter movies. We made it through three of them Friday evening.

What a whirlwind of a week. I stayed ill most of the time with what we believe was food poisoning. Thank heavens for medication to keep it all under control. I was not contagious. Just miserable in my own skin. But we made it through. 

I have been reflecting on Papa's ability to endure well what he is called to endure. I remember years ago when he shut his garage door on his finger. The blood under the nails filled up the end of his finger. I know that hurts. But he still drug his musical instruments to the nursing home and played for the residents. I watched him do something similar at the end of his life. My father loved to talk, read and sing. The last few months he was bedridden. His eyes had cataracts and he had a very hard time telling if it was family or CNA coming to check on him. He could not read or even hold up a very small book. His hearing was really gone. I could put an earbud in his ear, crank up my Kindle to top volume and let him hear music. Other than that, he could not hear my responses when he would ask a question and he couldn't read my answers when I wrote them down for him. This man with so much energy, such a love for talking and singing and reading, could do none of those things. He did not complain. He couldn't even move himself around in his bed. I admired his enduring to the end of his days on earth without complaint. One long second at a time. I will always admire and hold that memory dear of enduring well that which we are called to endure. We may not know or understand the reason. But, we need to always endure well. 

I took this picture of the last of the funeral celebration. I will title it...The Party's Over. Love Ya Bunches Papa and I Promise Not to Take Nary a Wooden Nickel.