The Downward Spiral...

Wednesday afternoon (Apr 27th) my mom was not doing well.

Tuesday she ate for Papa at lunch.  It took him a long time but he got all her lunch down her.

Wednesday she would not wake up. The nursing home staff got her up and put her in her wheel chair for all 3 meals. She slept through the entire process each time. Papa got no lunch in her. He called me after lunch on Wednesday to tell me we had a real problem.

I found her feverish when I got there Wednesday afternoon to sing with Papa and check on mom. The nurse took her temperature again and it was slight (100.3). They tried to give her crushed up Tylenol mixed in chocolate pudding. She got half a teaspoon down her and the other half down her face and shirt. The nurse called me in the evening to say her temp was up to 100.4 and they got about 4 bites of food in her. She said they would try more Tylenol.



Thursday Mimi still would not wake up. Papa tried to feed her lunch with absolutely no success.

Thursday evening I went in at dinner time. I found her in bed and as white as the sheets on which she was laying. I tried to rouse her with no success. They always keep a large insulted mug with ice water and a straw ready for her. I put my finger on the end of the straw to keep some water in the straw. Then I let some of that water drip on her lips. She reacted and swallowed. I cranked her bed up a bit and kept doing this to get some liquid in her at minimum.

The CNA came in with her dinner tray. I told her I would try and get her to eat. I swirled together her pureed food and put some on the tip of a spoon. Her mouth was open as she slept so I put the food in her mouth. She would not wake up to swallow.

I got her milk carton and put a straw in the milk. I put my finger over the end of that straw to keep some milk in the straw and dropped a few drops in her mouth. As that reached the back of her mouth she swallowed. That got food and milk in her. I kept this up and managed to get about 1/3 of her dinner in her. Then she started to get some color in her cheeks.

I cranked the bed up to almost a sitting position and continued my slow process. Amazingly Mimi started to open her mouth as I touched it with the spoon. When I placed the straw on her lips, she would try to suck on it. These were great reactions. At one point her eyes even opened into little slits. I was so happy I could just about burst. She tried to mumble something. I kept on feeding until she ate all the food and dessert, drank 2/3 of her milk and whatever water I was able to get in her as well.


Then I called my poor father and shared this great news and huge blessing with him. He was like a kid that got the Christmas present he had longed for all year. You could hear the joy and peace filling his voice.

I stayed with Mom for another half hour or 45 minutes with her bed up to be sure she wouldn’t choke. She really had not had anything in her shrunk up little tummy for two days. I was concerned she might be overfull and hurl. Once I was sure she was fine, I put her bed down and turned out the light so she could sleep. (That sentence strikes me as amusing since she really never ‘woke up’ while I was there and hadn’t for two days.)


I left the nursing home Thursday evening (April 28th) with a strong feeling there were two possible reasons Mimi would not wake up. The first being that she might have a bug of some kind and her body had just stopped to use whatever resources it had to heal as best it could from the bug. The second was that her body was quitting completely and she would just pass away.  The nursing staff have no real reason why she was sleeping and could not wake up.

Friday, Papa was able to feed her some lunch again in the multi-purpose room. She was slowly trying to recuperate.

Today, Friday, May 6th, we had a meeting with the nursing home staff. They do these at least quarterly but more frequently if there is a major change in a resident. Attending this meeting was Amy who records things, Kathy Crawley who is the social worker and Lucy who is the head nurse. Papa and I both attended. Kathy Crawley did the explanation.

She assured us she wasn't going to tell us anything we were not already aware of. She kept using the phrase, "She is passing into the next step in the progression of her disease

Kathy again asked Papa about his feelings about a feeding tube. One of the final things with some Alzheimer's patients is their body not remembering how to eat. At this point they need to be feed through a feeding tube. Mimi and Papa long ago agreed to no measures to extend life. Papa is comfortable stating no feeding tubes if and when Mimi gets to this stage. He does not want Mimi to be in pain and has authorized the things that will keep her from being in pain.

They have taken her off all mood-leveling drugs. She was getting agitated and this medicine had been to help her with that. She was not combative, she just fidgeted a LOT as she sat in her wheel chair. The only medications Mimi is now taking are vitamins and some Tylenol.
She weighed 125 pounds in March. Today she weighs 118 pounds. It is apparent she is very thin and getting thinner. That is a 7 pound weight loss in about 6 weeks.

She is starting to curl up. Those are my words of explanation. When I used them in the meeting today the nursing home staff agreed that was a good explanation. Her body just wants to curl up in the fetal position. Her toes are even curling up. They do put her in braces on her legs when resting to try and keep the muscles extended as long as they can.

I asked Kathy if they would be able to tell when Mom was getting ready to pass away. Kathy said there are signs even though Mimi can't talk and tell us verbally. Unless she passes in her sleep, they might be able to gauge and they will let me know. That is just one thing I want to do is be there with her when she passes. I really don't want her to be alone. I know if there is any way possible, this good staff at the nursing home will alert me and Papa when this is happening.

After the meeting, Papa headed home to get his lunch. I went to Mimi's room to sit with her for a bit. She was asleep and I sat on the edge of her bed, which was lowered to the floor, and just watched her sleep. It was a good time to just be quiet and look at my mother. I thought of all the years of caring for me of which I am not aware. Mom's do so much for little children to get them old enough to function themselves. Mother's Day is this Sunday and I just reflected on all that she has done as my mother through my 60 years on earth. So much that I'm aware of and so much of which I am not aware.

I found myself sitting there with tears rolling down my cheeks as I looked at what a human body, my mother's body, seems to be able to endure.  Helen, another head nurse, came down to check on Louise who is the room across the hall from my mother. She saw me sitting there and came in. I told her I was just watching my mother sleep. Then I had to look away because I could feel tears welling up again. Helen quietly left me to my visit with Mimi.

As I left the nursing home, I said as cheerful a good-bye to the nurses at the desk as I could muster. Then headed to the door. Helen came out from behind the desk and gave me a big hug. Bless her heart. They care so much, not only for Mimi, but Papa and me as well. What more could one ask from medical personnel than that kind of unconditional love and care. Amazing.

I woke up several weeks ago from my sleep and sat upright in my bed. I had a strong impression that my mom would not live through Mother's Day. It was so very real and left me wide awake. Papa and I really believed she would probably pass away last week if she didn't start to wake up again and eat or drink something. We were both ready for her to quietly pass away in her sleep. That would have been a quiet, peaceful way for her death to happen. But it was not the right time.

Sunday is Mother's Day. I would venture to say this will be my last Mother's Day with my mom here on earth. The good Lord has blessed me to be with her to the end. She was with me in the beginning and I will be there for her at the end. Kind of poetic when you think about it.

I'm very weepy this afternoon. I came home to a counter full of groceries. Claude did some shopping before he left his meeting in Georgetown. He obviously got home just before me and got the groceries inside and went to change in to comfy clothes before putting them away. I was grateful for a 'real' chore to keep me going. Claude was surprised when he came out and found me home. We put the groceries away. He told me about his meeting. Then he asked me how I was doing. I said, "Not so great this afternoon." I shared the meeting information with him. I was extremely happy he bought me a HUGE chocolate bar for a Mother's Day surprise. I found it putting the groceries away. It was just the kind of comfort food I wanted. He also had a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me. It was such a tender time to get these gifts from my hubby. Couldn't have been better timed.

I'm sure we are in the final steps of Mimi's existence. That doesn't mean it will happen soon, you can never tell with Alzheimer's. I understand and accept that. I do believe that having invested the last 5 1/2 years in caring for my parents will cause me to be particularly sensitive to all of this. My emotions will be right at the surface. But I'm grateful for all my understanding and belief about life and death and life after death. I had a miscarriage many years ago. My belief is that I will have this child in my life after I pass from this earthly existence. Maybe, when Mimi passes she can check on him for me. That would be a good thing.