Mother Dear I Love You So....

Mother dear I love you so

Your happy smiling face

Is such a joy to look at

You make the nursing home a lovely place.

These are the words to a very old Primary song at Church. I've taken a little liberty with the words on the last line. But I heard this in my head to day and wanted to start this entry with the delightful song performed many times for Mother's Day by the Primary children.

I've mentioned often that my mother has Alzheimer's. Today I went to the nursing home to spend time with her while Claude had a meeting with Judge Lusby.

Claude took me to DQ first for a biscuits and gravy breakfast. Yum!! Then he dropped me off and the nursing home while he attended his meeting and picked up his prescription.

I found my mom in her bed but awake. The CNA was had just finished working with her. They keep her bed as low to the floor as they can get it just in case she rolls then she won't fall very far.

I walked around the end of her bed and she looked up and made eye contact and grinned.  Mom is in the final stages of Alzheimer's and eye contact is not something we get all the time. It is a delight when it happens.

I sat down and gave mom kisses. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and grinned again. She doesn't ever use our names. But today, it was a definite, she knew she had a visitor she wanted to see and she was happy I was there. This kind of welcome does not happen a lot anymore and it brought joy to my heart.

The CNA raised mom's bed as high as it would go and asked me to be sure I put it back to the ground if I left her.

I sat on the side of mom's bed and took her thin hands in mine. She almost squeezed them.

Then she started talking. Now, talking at this stage of her Alzheimer's journey is most often gibberish with an occasional 'yes' or 'no' being clear. Today, my mom wanted to talk. And she talked a lot.

A week ago when I was with her she was in the multi-purpose room. That day she held my hand so tight. It was like she needed to be close to me and to tell me something. Her vocabulary that day was really just gibberish. I left aching, knowing she wanted and needed me to understand something and I just couldn't get it.

Today she would get the first 2 or 3 words out clearly and then go to gibberish. I would repeat the words and her eyes would light up. I'm not sure what she was telling me about but our conversation today was more satisfying for her than the one a week ago.

At one point she was talking loudly and then she began to whisper, just like she was telling me a secret. I couldn't believe it. I leaned closer to be a part of whatever her secret was and she continued to whisper to me. Such girl talk in Alzheimer fashion.

As I felt the closeness with her today that I remember as a young girl, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I really didn't want to cry in front of mom. But sometimes tears just come for many different reasons. These were tears of joy and of remembering and of longing to have what I won't have with mom until after our earth lives are complete.

I reached for my purse with my free hand and found a tissue. I dabbed my eyes and then looked at mom. Bless her 'little pea pickin' heart'...she had a look of motherly concern. I'm telling you it was like we were both on the same wave length at minimum and really communicating at maximum. It was just profound and wonderful.

I reached up to touch her soft face and rub her cheek. As my fingers came down her cheek I felt moisture. There was a tear coming from her eye. Oh my, I welled up with tears again as we shared a tender moment, mother and daughter.

It is not often I feel like the daughter in this situation. I usually feel like I am a 60 year old mother of an 80 year old daughter. Today...life was back like it is supposed to be and I was undeniably her daughter again.

I was wearing a black t-shirt. One Alzheimer's book I read explained that perception is often very different for someone with Alzheimer's. For instance, if you have a dark rug on the floor, they perceive it as a hole and will not step on it. I was wondering how mom was perceiving my black t-shirt. Then I realized I was wearing a gold chain necklace. My chains are always at least 30 inches long so it was hanging down the front of my black t-shirt and I think she was seeing it. I took the necklace chain in my hand and put it in mom's hand. She seemed to like the difference in the feel and played with it for some time. Her coordination is not good, very shaky. But she liked touching my t-shirt and necklace and chattering on.

Eventually she wore herself completely out. The CNA came in to take the braces off her legs. This not a fun experience for mom. So I held her hands so the CNA could get the braces off. These braces are to try and keep her legs extended as long as possible. Mom is starting to curl up with muscles and ligaments that don't get used.

When the CNA left, I pulled the covers up to mom's chin and sat in the chair by her bed, pulled out my Ensign (Church magazine) and read two articles to her while I patted her head. She fell asleep.

I used the rest of my visit to coordinate her clothes and straighten the socks in her drawer.

It was a most pleasant visit today. I felt strong connections that give me strength as we continue our Alzheimer journey. Today was definitely another 'tender mercy' from a loving Heavenly Father.

This afternoon I also read the next update from Alan Arnette. He is a climber who is raising money for Alzheimer's research by climbing mountains, really BIG mountains. Right now he is climbing Mt. Everest. Alan's mother died of Alzheimer's in 2009. His experience is amazing and provides a place to comment. I'm hoping the link below will show up when I post this. It is a very worthwhile cause and his climbs are a powerful experience to enjoy via his Blog. I thank my son, Jacob, for sharing his discovery of Alan Arnette with me.

http://www.alanarnette.com/blog/